㈠ 英语短文阅读
我的父亲总是有一个现成的微笑，一类词。小时候，他带我钓鱼或去公园。当时，我们接近，我想长大了要像爸爸。然后，事情开始发生变化。我无法抽出时间与他的任何东西更多，我们用来论证了很多，我知道这是我是谁通常始于它。
爸爸劝我，但它是对我们硬。我觉得很尴尬-他从来没有学会阅读和辍学参加一个汽车修理厂工作。然后，他开始出现奇怪。他总是睡觉，深夜，当我看见他在第二天早上将有大约他的黑眼圈。一天晚上，我发现了原因。
这是冷，所以我决定让另外的毯子热身。厨房的灯还就和我去将其关闭。在拐角处看，我看见厨房的桌子我的父亲，一个在他面前的书和笔，在他的手。他慢慢地静静地阅读。过了一会儿，我承认苏斯博士的“戴帽子的猫”字样。我买这本书我小时候，并要求我父亲看我。我记得他的脸如何变成红色，他递给我，回说：“对不起，儿子。”现在，我听到熟悉的话从他的嘴唇来，我惊呆了。
我从来没有提到我的发现，但我开始为我的父亲更多的尊重。我经常向他请教，花更多的时间与他。
夏季的一天，我来到我们的车库中找到一个新的赛车。 “希望你喜欢它，”我父亲说。这3个字是建立在我嘴边，但我仍然不能告诉他我爱他。
作家无法获得与他的父亲，因为______。
他的父亲几乎没有教育
他的父亲经常试图与他争论
他的父亲十分忙碌，没有做任何与他
他的父亲行为奇怪
为什么他的父亲留在晚上呢？
他有太多的工作要做，为汽车修理厂。
这房子是如此寒冷，以致他无法入睡。
他在寻找这本书“帽子里的猫”。
㈡ 英语短文阅读
1.She's five.
2.No,she doen't.
3.Yes,she is.
4.She's sitting at the table with a pencil in her hand and writing.
㈢ 英语短文阅读理解
（1） 算出你需要多少钱，并带上足够的钱。
（2）important need
I need make a shopping list, take enough money and carry my own shopping bags.
意思相版近的句子： There are many nice things in the shopping mall,but what you really need is only some of them.
主题句：权 Here are some shopping tips for you
㈣ 阅读短文，回答问题.（英语的）
I am Ken. I love the stamps very much. Now I have about two hundred stamps. I always go to the post office to buy stamps at the weekend. Sometimes I use my pocket money to buy some stamps, but I can’t buy the most beautiful ones. Because they are very dear. Now I have 50 yuan. It’ s enough to buy a new stamp with a panda. So I get ready to go to the post office near my house.
我是肯。我非常喜欢邮票。现在我大约已有二百张邮票了。我总是在周末去邮局买邮票。有时我用零花钱买邮票，但我却买不起那些最漂亮的，因为他们太贵了。现在我有五十元了。足够我去买一张带熊猫的邮票了。所以我已经准备好去离我家不远的邮局买邮票了。
1.How many stamps does Ken have?肯有多少张邮票？
2.What does Ken do at the weekend?肯在周末干什么？
3.Why can’t Ken buy the most beautiful stamps?为什么肯不能买那些最贵的邮票？
4.Does Ken use his pocket money to buy stamps?肯用零花钱买邮票吗？
5.Where is the post office?邮局在哪？
1.Two hundred.二百张
2. He often goes to the post office to buy stamps.他经常去邮局买邮票。
3.Because it's very dear.因为太贵了。
4.Yes, he does.是的。
5. It's near Ken's house.邮局在肯家附近。
㈤ 英语阅读短文
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10 Reasons To Love An Empowered Woman
Aaron 于2015-08-01发布 l 已有
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教你零基础学英语 外教任意选，每天陪你练口语 公交车上也能听英语 英语口语8000句
一个有能力的女人知道自己想要的是什么，知道如何给予，知道如何生活得丰富，也知道如何回应你的爱。
0
10 Reasons To Love
An Empowered Woman
If you are looking for someone
you can pour out your love to,
let me suggest the empowered woman.
The empowered woman knows what she
wants, knows how to get it,
knows how to live fully, and
she knows how to love you back
without needing anyone’s approval or
recognition. An empowered woman is
unarguably one of the most magnificent
beings you will ever come in
contact with. Read on and find 10
reason why you should absolutely love
and embrace the empowered women in
your life! .
1. She knows how to love
you in return
It is
difficult to give what you
don’t have. It is impossible to
love someone and feel fulfilled when
they can’t love you in return
because they don’t love themselves.
This will never happen to you
when you love an empowered woman.
She loves herself (not in a
narcissistic manner). In turn, she
appreciates who you are and loves
you in return. She will love
you just like you deserve to be
loved.
2. She will inspire
you
When life puts you
down and you are at the end
of your rope, the empowered woman
will be there to see you
through. Her drive, enthusiasm and
(at times) hopeless optimism will
inspire you to carry on despite
the obstacles you face.
3. She is not afraid of
failure
While many out
there are thoroughly terrified of
failure, the empowered woman understands
that failures are simply stepping
stones in life. How can you
not love someone that is thoroughly
unafraid to try, fail, and give
it a shot all over again?!
4. She is all about the
legacy
While most people
are focused on the car, the
house, the job, and corner office;
the empowered woman is focused on
leaving a legacy that will inspire
others and change the world. The
empowered woman is focused on
empowering others to maximize their
potential and fulfill their purpose.
She is all about inspiring others
to look beyond themselves and live
a life of service to others.
5. She can laugh at her
mistakes…
…and learn from
them as well! She understands mistakes
are part of the journey. The
empowered woman can laugh and learn
from her mistakes to ensure they
never happen again.
6. She can be
vulnerable
The empowered woman
understands there is no debt in
relationships without vulnerability. Although
she is emotionally strong, she is
willing to laugh and cry with
you because all of these emotions
are an essential part of life.
7. She can speak her
mind
While everyone else
is too concerned with what others
may think or say, the empowered
woman is not afraid to speak
her mind. She understands that her
value comes from within, not from
what others say or think about
her.
8. She knows when to remain
quiet
She lives by Abe
Lincoln’s words, “Better to remain
silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak out and remove
all doubt.”
9. She knows how to have
fun
Whether it is at
the symphony or at a ball game,
the empowered woman understands life
is made up of experiences with
people – not the places you go.
She is able to live in the
moment and enjoy it fully without
being concerned for the future. After
all, who’s got a guaranteed
future?
10. She is not afraid of
change
While most people
rather continue on living unfulfilled
lives as long as their comfort
zone remains intact, the empowered
woman is all about embracing change.
She understands growth cannot happen
without change. She understands that
change is the gift life offers
you to choose your destiny. Therefore,
she is not afraid of change
because it is her stepping stone
towards success
㈥ 学英语，哪里有简单的适合初级者阅读的文章呢
新概念英语
网上有很多下载的。或直接去书店买
㈦ 英语短文阅读
看国家地理频道，最喜爱各类野生动物。每每看过，总会感慨自然界的动
物活得难啊——觅食固不易，生存更危险；万物相侵害，一环扣一环。
好不容易一口一口衔食喂大的小鸟，让黄鼬一下就连窝端了，她窝里还有
一群小崽子；刚出壳不久的小海鸥、小企鹅，硬让贼鹰从父母脚底下给叼走了；
至于羚羊、角马之类食草动物，时刻都在肉食动物的窥伺之中，不得安宁……
危乎险矣，弱肉强食。野生动物的那点自由，需要何等的血的代价！
由此便想到狗狗以及同类，不能不佩服，聪明！以狗狗之肥胖、鲜嫩、笨
拙，在野生环境下绝活不过三天，肯定被吃得连骨头也不剩。可是现在，它比
人吃得还好，睡得比人还放心。它的生存环境和野生动物一比，那它见的世面
就大了！
狗是动物中最聪明的，它看起来是投靠了人，做了人类的奴才；其实，也
可以反过来说是利用了人，揣摸透了人的弱点，让人心甘情愿地成了它的仆人。
人不是最虚荣、最有领袖欲吗？那好，它迎合你，服从你，忠诚于你，让
你高高在上，满足你这点小爱好。
人不是最怕寂寞，最怕空虚吗？那好，它装憨卖傻，活力二八，跟随左右，
陪伴终生，使你觉得最堪信赖的是犬不是人，所以有个亿万富婆临终把遗产给
了爱犬而不给儿孙。
至于你舍不得吃肉而给它吃肉，你为它洗澡、治病、打针、梳毛、遛弯儿，
它吃得香了你高兴，它屙不出屎来你蹩劲儿……如此服务，渐成习惯，回头一
想，咦，似乎还没对哪个人这么有耐性过！
这不是，你让狗耍了，明知道你也愿意。
而且，它绝不愁濒临灭绝。它的一个狗儿子明码标价，它还没生，就有一
大群人等着买呢！它不愁计划生育，也不怕难产，有医生给它做剖腹产手术呢！
要说狗现在过得比人好，一点不过分。住高楼别墅，乘豪华轿车，真是钟
鸣鼎食、锦衣玉佩、公子哥儿、淑女名媛。可是人弄得这些，得奋斗一辈子还
不一定行，狗呢，一点劲儿不费，嘿嘿，坐享其成！
你说，是狗聪明还是人聪明。
8
．第二节中写到野生动物的生存之艰难，目的何在？
9
．文中说狗狗见的世面比野生动物的大，你能结合文章说说它都见过哪些
世面吗？
㈧ 5篇英语课外阅读小短文
不懂的问爸爸妈咪!
（ 1 ） Poor Man
Look at this man. What is he doing? He’s carrying a very big box. The box is full of big apples. He wants to put it on the back of his bike and take it home. Can he do that? No, I don’t think so. Why not? Because the box is too full and too heavy. Look! What’s wrong? He drops the box. Poor man!
（ 2 ） Kate
Kate is a new student. She is twelve. She is from America. She can speak English very well and she can speak a little Chinese. She is in Nanjing. Her parents are doctors. Kate is studying in a school near her home. She has classes from Monday to Friday. On Saturdays and Sundays, she often plays games with her Chinese friends. She loves China and her Chinese friends.
（ 3 ） Can you find Bob?
Hello, Betty. Please meet Bob at the station at nine o’clock tomorrow morning. Go to the big clock. Carry a green bag and wear a white hat. He’s not very tall but quite fat. He has short black hair and brown eyes. He also has glasses. He likes wearing blue trousers and a red sweater, Can you find him, Betty?
( 4 ) My Room
This is my room. Near the window there is a desk. I often do my homework at it. You can see some books, some flowers in a vase, a ruler and a pen. On the wall near the desk there is a picture of a cat. There is a clock above the end of my bed. I usually put my football under my bed. Of course there is a chair in front of the desk. I sit there and I can see the trees and roads outside.
( 5 ) What are they doing?
The White family is at home. Mrs White is in the kitchen. She is cooking. Mr White is sitting in a chair and reading the newspaper. Tom and his friend Dick are cleaning the bicycle. Jane and her friend Mary are in Jane’s bedroom. They are listening to a tape.
㈨ 英语短文阅读
Reading is very important. World Book Day falls on April 23 every year. It encourages people, especially teenagers, to discover the pleasure of reading. It is also the day to honor (尊敬) great writers.
Many countries celebrate (庆祝) World Book Day. On that day, millions of school children can buy books at a much lower price than usual in any bookstore in England. It has been done every year since 1998. World Book Day is also celebrated in China. Wen Jiabao, Premier of China, is an avid reader. He does lots of reading every day though he is very busy. On World Book Day 2009, he called on (号召) people to do more reading. Wen suggested that young people should spend more time reading. “Books can not change the world, but people can change the world by changing themselves through reading,” he said.
Reading helps us become more knowledgeable and smarter. Reading helps us to follow the latest developments of science and technology (技术). Reading gives us information about other cultures and places in the world. Reading is also one of the most important ways to learn a foreign language like English. We all know that it is difficult to learn everything in the classroom, for example, the ways English people are living and working today can be learnt by reading.
Books, magazines, newspapers and other kinds of reading materials can help us to know more about the outside world. Therefore, it is necessary for us to spend time reading every day.
㈩ 英语短文阅读
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最伟大的击剑手
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。
“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”
“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
—————————————————————————————————————————
A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞错了
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
猪还是女巫
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
—————————————————————————————————————————
Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答问技巧
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表现得象位女士
一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”
这样可以么?很多哦
回答者： 寒蝉鸣泣の时 - 魔法师 四级 2009-5-19 21:06
1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空气很好，人感觉很舒服。我们骑着自行车一路欣赏鸟语花香。享受着大自然带给我们的无限美好。大家开开心心地度过了愉快的一天。
2。Today Mailehaoo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天买了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，买东西有父母帮付钱。不像平时自己上街买东西碰到喜欢的但看了价钱都要考虑好久，呵呵，真的是很开心。我爱我的父母，太感谢他们对我的关心和爱戴了。
3.Flute " Robinson Crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of British, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. Novel write true naturally, legendary. The protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. Want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for Britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " Robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like Robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. We need possess Robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英国小说家笛福的《鲁滨逊漂流记》描述了主人公漂流海岛,战胜困难,艰苦创业的传奇故事. 小说写得真实自然,富有传奇色彩.主人公在孤岛上种庄稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛万苦,生存下来.但想回人间的心切,使他着迷般地只想到如何走出这个鬼地方,结果还是失败了,最后于1868年回到阔别28年的英国
《鲁滨孙漂流记》给我以启示，他的顽强让我蠢蠢欲动，想要迈向人生的另一目标，像鲁滨孙那样用自己的力量，到达自己理想的境界。
我们需要具备鲁滨逊那样的刻苦奋斗的精神.
The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最伟大的击剑手
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。
“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”
“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
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A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞错了
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
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Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
猪还是女巫
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
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Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答问技巧
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
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Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
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Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
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I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表现得象位女士
一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”