英语短文阅读下载

1. 请问什么地方可以免费下载电子版的英语阅读理解文章

就在这网络里面，去搜“英语资料免费下载 ##”
## 代表你要搜的 “考研”“四级”“六级”

会有很多连接冒出来的，多花点功夫找找吧……^_^

2. 英语短文阅读

1.A snail sleeps much of the time (D)

2.In the sentence "...,the snail draws its body into its to pull (C)

3.From the story we know a snailcan't see well (B)

4.A snail goes to sleep when it rains heavily (D)

5.Which of the following is NOT true?The snail's teeth will never be worn out (C)

3. 英语短文阅读

我的父亲总是有一个现成的微笑，一类词。小时候，他带我钓鱼或去公园。当时，我们接近，我想长大了要像爸爸。然后，事情开始发生变化。我无法抽出时间与他的任何东西更多，我们用来论证了很多，我知道这是我是谁通常始于它。

爸爸劝我，但它是对我们硬。我觉得很尴尬-他从来没有学会阅读和辍学参加一个汽车修理厂工作。然后，他开始出现奇怪。他总是睡觉，深夜，当我看见他在第二天早上将有大约他的黑眼圈。一天晚上，我发现了原因。

这是冷，所以我决定让另外的毯子热身。厨房的灯还就和我去将其关闭。在拐角处看，我看见厨房的桌子我的父亲，一个在他面前的书和笔，在他的手。他慢慢地静静地阅读。过了一会儿，我承认苏斯博士的“戴帽子的猫”字样。我买这本书我小时候，并要求我父亲看我。我记得他的脸如何变成红色，他递给我，回说：“对不起，儿子。”现在，我听到熟悉的话从他的嘴唇来，我惊呆了。

我从来没有提到我的发现，但我开始为我的父亲更多的尊重。我经常向他请教，花更多的时间与他。

夏季的一天，我来到我们的车库中找到一个新的赛车。 “希望你喜欢它，”我父亲说。这3个字是建立在我嘴边，但我仍然不能告诉他我爱他。

作家无法获得与他的父亲，因为______。

他的父亲几乎没有教育

他的父亲经常试图与他争论

他的父亲十分忙碌，没有做任何与他

他的父亲行为奇怪

为什么他的父亲留在晚上呢？

他有太多的工作要做，为汽车修理厂。

这房子是如此寒冷，以致他无法入睡。

他在寻找这本书“帽子里的猫”。

4. 英语短文阅读

一：Jack is seven years old. He can do many things by himself. He can smell with his nose. He can use his hands to play basketball. He can enjoy the delicious food with his mouth. In fact, he is proud of his sense of taste. Even though( 即使 ) he closes his eyes, he can still tell different food by his tongue. But his parents are worried about him. Why? Jack is deaf. He became deaf because of a high fever when he was two years old. However, he doesn’ feel sad. He goes to school every day. He is ready to help others. He gets along well with his classmates. He makes up his mind to be a teacher in the future。
二：The students were having their chemistry class. Miss Li was telling the children what water was like. After that, she asked her students, “What’s water? “ No one spoke for a few minutes. Miss Li asked again, “Why don’t you answer my question? Didn’t I tell you what water is like? “ Just then a boy put up his hand and said, “Miss Li, you told us that water has no colour and no smell. But where to find such kind of water? The water in the river behind my house is always black and it has a bad smell.” People polluted it badly. Most of the children agreed with him. “I’ m sorry, children,” said the teacher, “Our water is getting dirtier and dirtier. That’s a problem.”
三：Nasreddin woke up in the middle of the night and saw something whitein his garden.It seemed to be moving towards the house.That is a thief(小偷)! He thought,and he took his gun and shot(开枪) at him. Then he went back to bed,because he was too frightened害怕) to go out of the house in the dark.The next morning Nasreddin went out and saw one of his white shirts hanging on the clothes-line in the garden,his wife had washed it the day before and hung it out to dry. Now it had a bullet- hole right through middle of it.My God,said Nasreddin, I was lucky last night. If I had been wearing that shirt,the bullet would have killed me! And he called his neighbours together and asked them to thank God for saving him.

5. 有哪些阅读英语文章的app

不同于APP内的自主学习，照本宣读，外教一对一在线授课的形式更能抓住孩子专的注意力！属课程设置在合理的25分钟，“孩子坐不住，注意力涣散”都不存在的！经验丰富的外教老师更加懂得如何去引导孩子加入自己的英语学习小课堂，寓教于乐的方式只会让孩子觉得“欢乐的时光总是那么短暂”！

这里就把阿西吧自主研发的免费【熊出没趣味体验课】分享给家长们！点击蓝字即可体验！阿西吧自主研发课程课件，结合方特动漫的熊出没系列动画，为孩子带来真正意义上的寓教于乐！有了优秀的教材也需要有优秀的老师来进行指导教学，这样才能进步的很快。

对于孩子的学习，vivi老师始终坚信一句话：兴趣是最好的老师。因此无论选择哪家机构，都要根据孩子的学习兴趣、学习状态、个人计划，再结合家长自身的经济实力等多方面因素来考量。关于选课的问题还犹豫不决的家长，如果需要更详细具体的意见，可以在选课之前找我聊聊，网络搜索vivi老师就可以找到我，我会尽最大努力帮你避雷。

6. 有哪些阅读英语文章的app

可以阅读英语文章的app有：有道e读、扇贝阅读、ZoReader、爱洋葱、阿西吧少儿英语app，比较推荐阿西吧。

可以去阿西吧的APP里面免费领取到一节少儿英语课程，最主要是跟着外教一对一的口语对话，现在分享他们的试听课给大家，点击免费领取：【https://www.acadsoc.com】

阿西吧少儿英语app主要是针对少儿的各个年龄阶段，是一个比较全面的学习app。从简单的字母入门再到难一点的情景对话，这个app有着丰富的配音内容，多元化的一些英语情景，图片多文字少的一个教学，为少年儿童甚至大人提供了一个轻松学英语的平台。

通过这个阿西吧少儿英语app，孩子们可以直接用手机在上面预约课程，然后上课，选课，优势还可以取消课程，非常方便。足不出户就可以学习到英语，让大人也省去了很多配送孩子来回奔波的时间，让家长省心。而且它还拥有很多美剧影片可以提供给少儿观看和学习，还有智能的语音打分系统可以纠正少儿的发音问题。

还有其他什么学习问题，可以网络搜“阿西吧vivi老师”为您分析解答。

想要更多的英语学习资源，可以网络搜“阿西吧官网论坛”免费下载。

7. 拜求，英语短文，有翻译，TXT格式！谢谢了！越多越好！

卡梅伦在2010年5月11日就职首相的演说词全文如下（中英文对照）： 卡梅伦在唐宁街10号发表就任首相后首次演讲
HER MAJESTY the queen has asked me to form a new government and I have accepted。Before I talk about that new government, let me say something about the one that has just passed. Compared with a decade ago, this country is more open at home and more compassionate abroad, and that is something we should all be grateful for。
女王陛下邀请我组建新一届政府，我接受了这一邀请。在谈论新政府之前，我先说一些上一届政府的事情。与十年前相比，我们英国在国内更加开放，对外更富有同情心，我们应该为此感到高兴。 On behalf of the whole country I would like to pay tribute to the outgoing prime minister, for his long record of dedicated public service。
我代表整个国家，对长期致力于公共服务的前首相表示赞扬和感谢。 In terms of the future, our country has a hung parliament where no party has an overall majority and we have some deep and pressing problems – a huge deficit, deep social problems and a political system in need of reform。
谈到未来，我们国家现在有一个任何党派都不占绝对议席优势的议会，我们还面临着一些深刻而迫切的问题：巨额的赤字，深层次的社会问题和需要改革的政治体制。 For those reasons, I aim to form a proper and full coalition between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats. I believe that is the right way to provide this country with the strong, the stable, the good and decent government that I think we need so badly。
因此，我的目的是联合保守党和自由民主党，建立一个同心协力的联盟。我相信，这是我们能形成一个强大、稳定、良好和受尊敬的政府的正确途径，而且我们太需要这样了。 Nick Clegg and I are both political leaders who want to put aside party differences and work hard for the common good and for the national interest. I believe that is the best way to get the strong government that we need, decisive government that we need today。
尼克克莱格和我都想成为撇开各自政党利益，为公众利益和国家利益而努力奉献的政党领袖。我相信，这是我们能够得到我们今天需要的强政励治的新一届政府的最好途径。 I came into politics because I love this country, I think its best days still lie ahead and I believe deeply in public service. And I think the service our country needs right now is to face up to our really big challenges, to confront our problems, to take difficult decisions, to lead people through those difficult decisions, so that together we can reach better times ahead。
我之所以从政是因为我热爱这个国家。我认为最好的时代近在眼前并且我深信公共服务。我认为服务我们的国家，此刻需要面对真正的挑战，直面困难，作出艰难的决定，并带领国民克服这些困难，这样我们才能共同迈向美好的明天。 One of the tasks that we clearly have is to rebuild trust in our political system. Yes, that is about cleaning up expenses; yes, that's about reforming parliament; and yes, it's about making sure people are in control and that the politicians are always their servants and never their masters。
很明显，我们的任务之一就是重建对我们政治体系的信任。是的，这就要求我们精简开支、改革议会、保证对国民的妥善管理并确保政治家始终是人民的公仆而非主人。 But I believe it's also something else. It's about being honest about what government can achieve. Real change is not what government can do on its own. Real change is when everyone pulls together, comes together, works together, when we all exercise our responsibilities to ourselves, to our families, to our communities and to others。
但是我相信还有其他方面。就是要诚实地表现政府可能达到的业绩。真正的变革不是仅靠政府之力就能完成的。真正的变革需要所有人齐心协力、众志成城，需要我们每个人各守本分，为自己，为家庭，为社会，也为其他人。 And I want to help build a more responsible society here in Britain, one where we don't just ask ‘what are my entitlements?’ but ‘what are my responsibilities?’. One where we don't just ask ‘what am I just owed?’ but more ‘what can I give?’. And a guide for that society, that those who can, should, and those who can't, we will always help。
我希望帮助不列颠建立一个更有责任心的社会。一个不是仅仅问“我们的权利是什么”而是“我们的责任是什么”的社会。我们不应该问“我应该得到什么”而是问“我能给这个社会贡献什么”。为了实现这些责任，不管是那些能够做到，应该做到和那些不能做到的人，我们会始终愿意去帮助。 I want to make sure that my government always looks after the elderly, the frail, the poorest in our country. We must take everyone through with us on some of the difficult decisions that we have ahead。
我希望确保我的政府总能照顾关心我们国家的老弱病残和最贫穷的人。我们必须让大家每个人与我们一起走过我们即将面对的困难。 Above all, it will be a government that will be built on some clear values – values of freedom, values of fairness, and values of responsibility。
最重要的是，我们将组建一个具有清晰价值观的政府。这些价值观就是自由，公平和责任。
I want us to build an economy that rewards work, I want us to build a society with stronger families and stronger communities, and I want a political system that people can trust and look up to once again。
我希望，我们会组建一个多劳多得的经济体制，一个有更强的家庭和社会责任心的社会，一个重新让民众可以期待和信任的政治体制。 This is going to be hard and difficult work. A coalition will throw up all sorts of challenges. But I believe together we can provide that strong and stable government that our country needs, based on those values – rebuilding family, rebuilding community, above all rebuilding responsibility in our country。
这将是一个艰巨的工作。联合政府将会面临各种挑战。但是，我坚信，基于这样的价值观-重建家庭，重建社会，尤其是重建我们的责任感，我们能够共同创建一个我们国家需要的强大而稳定的政府。 Those are the things that I care about, those are the things that this government will now start work on doing。
这些就是我关心的事情，这些事情也正是我们这一届政府眼下要着手处理的。 Thank you。 谢谢大家。

8. 英语短文阅读

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
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A Mistake

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
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Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

猪还是女巫

一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
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Response Ability

An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

答问技巧

衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”

当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”

一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
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Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

伟大的猎手Jonesie

有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。

猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。

半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。

“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。

“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
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Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"

印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
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I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

我要表现得象位女士

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”

“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”
这样可以么?很多哦

回答者： 寒蝉鸣泣の时 - 魔法师 四级 2009-5-19 21:06
1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空气很好，人感觉很舒服。我们骑着自行车一路欣赏鸟语花香。享受着大自然带给我们的无限美好。大家开开心心地度过了愉快的一天。

2。Today Mailehaoo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天买了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，买东西有父母帮付钱。不像平时自己上街买东西碰到喜欢的但看了价钱都要考虑好久，呵呵，真的是很开心。我爱我的父母，太感谢他们对我的关心和爱戴了。
3.Flute " Robinson Crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of British, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. Novel write true naturally, legendary. The protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. Want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for Britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " Robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like Robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. We need possess Robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英国小说家笛福的《鲁滨逊漂流记》描述了主人公漂流海岛,战胜困难,艰苦创业的传奇故事. 小说写得真实自然,富有传奇色彩.主人公在孤岛上种庄稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛万苦,生存下来.但想回人间的心切,使他着迷般地只想到如何走出这个鬼地方,结果还是失败了,最后于1868年回到阔别28年的英国
《鲁滨孙漂流记》给我以启示，他的顽强让我蠢蠢欲动，想要迈向人生的另一目标，像鲁滨孙那样用自己的力量，到达自己理想的境界。
我们需要具备鲁滨逊那样的刻苦奋斗的精神.
The World's Greatest Swordsman

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
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A Mistake

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
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Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

猪还是女巫

一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
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Response Ability

An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

答问技巧

衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”

当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”

一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
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Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

伟大的猎手Jonesie

有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。

猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。

半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。

“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。

“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
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Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"

印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
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I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

我要表现得象位女士

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”

“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”