⑴ 100分懸賞，求大家幫我看看兩篇雅思英語作文，一篇修改前，一篇修改後
看了你的文章,我終於明白你為什麼在6分以下了.
分析一下你的優勢和劣勢:
你的優勢:1, 能夠清楚理解題目含義 ; 2, 有一定的邏輯性和良好的思維能力.
3,有一定單詞量和英文基礎.
你的不足: 1, 應該重點練習並熟悉英文的語句結構,和詞彙用法.雖然你有一定的單詞量,但是你對他們的用法還不夠熟練. 例如:你首段的第一句,就是一個沒有主語的重句.還有第二段第一句中的"reap",用在這里不太恰當,因為"reap"的獲得是作為努力的成果而獲得的,用在這里似乎詞不達意.
2, 覺得你的寫作方式很原創,一看就知道是你寫的.呵呵.因為我個人覺得你的好多話都是你個人臨場發揮的.我的建議是你平時能夠多讀一些文章,熟悉各種詞彙和語句的用法,再把你認為經典的收藏為己用.這樣久而久之,你的寫作自然就有突破.
3, 論證段的語句不要太復雜,盡量簡單清晰.如果太復會有很做作的感覺,反而會對論點起到反作用.我看了你的那篇被改過的文章,就好很多.看起來比較順暢,可讀性強,不蹩腳,得6分綽綽有餘.你可以將其與你寫的進行對比,然後用心去體會他們之間的差別和不同,逐漸改變你的寫作習慣.
總之, 寫作是練出來的,即使像樓上兩位仁兄辛苦的替你改完,不知道對你寫作的真正作用會有多大呢,至少我看不到它的效果,(聲明:詞話絕無冒犯他們的意思). 另外送你一句話,切忌繁冗復雜,崇尚簡單明快.因為你想要的畢竟只是 6分而已 - 希望你能取得真經 :)
⑵ 請雅思大神幫我看看我寫的這篇英語作文
In the contemporary society, with the rapid increase of science technology and the advancement of human being`s living standard that a great number of hi-techs have (要加 been) invented (，which之前一定要加一個逗號) which (caused 改為 are causing) the children (can改為 to) play with them rather than do (the 改為 thier) housework (, so 句子已完整，用句號，新句子開頭，so 要大寫So 要大寫 . So) many parents want their children to do something at the expense of money .When it comes to this issue(加 , which) others hold the opinion that do the work without paying as a valuable work experience can enhance their responsibility.As for me, I strongly side with the former one which can (keep 改為 let) the children know that working is the key to success.
Many examples have proved that a host of successful businessmen (when they were young, they had done more or less jobs for money 這段要掉轉來寫而且要去掉第二個they: had done more or less jobs for money when they were young.)after (After) that, they became more enterprising instrious and ambitious, for these factors facilitated their accomplishments in the fulture. Therefore, in some countries(，) parents encouraged their children to earn money when they were(去掉 even 或改為 very) young. Another reason ,( the young guys 改為 young people) have strong (curiousness 好奇心是: curiosity, which) contribute(s) to that it is not easy to establish their responsibilit(y)(ies). Nevertheless, motivating them to work is surely an excellent choice.
Somewhat importantly, ring the earning period, they can also get the valuable work experience and (加 understand about) the responsibilit(y)(ies) , in other words , the difference between paying work and unpaying work is the 「initiative」 ,and the children will be more initiative to work which could give them benefits , while the initiative can absolutely cause the (force 改為 effects of motivation).
In summary , do not only believe that the experience and responsibility are always the first , toward(s) this situation ,we may change our methods often (be 改為 , which have been) used before , to let the children themselves realized the happiness and achievement from their hardworking.
文章結構甚好，很有內容，我已替你依次序更正好了一些小錯，希望會對你有幫助，並祝你學業進步!!
⑶ 需要2篇英語作文，大神幫我看一下，雅思難度。
有個小問題，caretaker要叫s,
all the time後的and去掉
should顯得過於單調，可用復雜點的片語如be suppose to
Caged animal 那句的後半句的表述原因，可用for the reason of that ,不然也有點不自然，或則說這樣可提高文章檔次。
問題大概就這么多，你紙上寫的那些句型都很不錯，可以用。
⑷ 【求助】英語大神，幫我看看這個英語句子哪裡不對
改成 If there is no reason to... 或者 If there are no reasons to... 也是正確的。
⑸ 大神們幫我看看這篇雅思作文能得多少分
又是你 這次我不發言了- - 看看別人是怎麼修改的
⑹ 各位大神幫忙看看這篇雅思作文能得多少分
雅思寫作的評分標准：
task one TA CC LR GRA
task two TR CC LR GRA
根據以上表格我們不難看出，Task 1和Task 2的評分標准只有第一條(任務完成情況)不同，由於Task 1考查的是圖表作文，所以要比Task 2少一項任務，就是不需要有作者的立場(Position)。除此之外，兩個任務都需要有具體的內容和合理的結構、良好的連貫性和銜接性、豐富的詞彙資源以及語法的多樣性和准確性。以下我們來結合Task 2的具體實例來談一談。
1. 任務完成情況
任務完成情況主要包括三個方面：內容(content)是否切題，立場(position)是否鮮明並得到有效闡釋，結構(structure)是否有邏輯性。
內容如何做到切題，關鍵在於審題時要找准題目的主題(topic)以及針對該主題所提出的問題(topic questions)。一般來說，主題就是題目中反復出現或主句中充當主語或賓語的名詞以及名詞短語，而問句則通常就是我們要討論的要點，如果要點理解有誤或漏掉某個要點，則都屬於沒有切題。譬如：
With the increasing use of mobile phones, less people tend to write letters. Some people believe that writing letters will disappear completely. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
從這個題目當中我們不難看出writing letters出現的頻率較高，且都在主句中出現，說明它就是我們要找的主題，如果你過多描述mobile phones給我們帶來的好處就跑題了。另外，題目的寫作任務也很清楚：Do you agree that writing letters will disappear completely? 屬於「支持或反對」類的題，必須明確表達你的立場，不能既同意又不同意，同時表達你同意或不同意的理由。
立場要做到鮮明並得到有效闡釋需要有如下幾個內容：topic sentence(主題句)，main ideas(論點)，supporting points(論據)。主題句通常放在文章的首段，開門見山地表明你的立場，主題句只能有一個;論點放在中間段的首句，讓讀者一目瞭然，論點應該有兩個以上，否則論證就不充分;論據包括evidence(證據)、examples(例子)等，放在論點後面，每個論點都應該有論據作支撐，否則就會顯得論據不足。
合理的文章結構通常由三大部分組成，即引言(introction)、主體(body)和結論(conclusion)，寫4-5段比較合理。引言要涵蓋主題、寫作任務和主題句，主體則要包括足夠的論點和論據，結論可以重申觀點、提出建議或展望未來。在這里需要提醒大家一定要認真審題，許多考生在考試的時候沒有看清題目要求，明明題目分析優缺點，有些同學卻寫成了同意與否的題目，整篇文章走題，只能取得5分以下的分數。
2. 連貫與銜接
文章的連貫性主要體現在段落與段落之間，句子與句子之間。
段落之間的「啟」、「承」、「轉」、「合」可通過表順序的過渡詞完成，譬如：
表示開始：first of all, in the first place, at the very beginning, to begin with, currently, at present, for one thing等。
表示承接：besides, further more, in addition, moreover, what』s more, meanwhile, apart from, as well as, similarly, in the same way等。
表示轉折：however, whereas, while, on the contrary, in contrast, on the other hand等。
表示結論：in conclusion, in brief, in short, to sum up, ultimately, overall等。
句子之間的邏輯關系也要通過一些邏輯連詞來完成，譬如：
表示原因：because (of ), accordingly, e to, owing to, for this reason, since, as a result, as a consequence等。
表達觀點：in my opinion, personally, from my viewpoint, it seems to me, it is clear to me that, as far as I am concerned
舉例說明：for example, for instance, as follows, such as, that is to say, namely, just as, in particular等。
表示讓步：although, in spite of, despite of, despite the fact that, regardless of等。
建議大家可以在平日的練習中多多使用這些連詞造句，不能只認識而不會使用，例如in spite of 和 despite這兩個詞後面只能跟短語而不能跟句子，這都是同學們在作文中常常犯的錯誤。
3. 詞彙資源
詞彙的多少並不能決定文章的好壞，但用詞的精準性是可以加分的。一般來說詞彙的准確表達可以通過兩個方面達到，一是在用詞的難度上拔高，二是在近義詞的多種表達上提升。譬如要描述一個好人，很多同學首先想到的形容詞就是good, kind, wise, nice, clever, great, bright等詞，而這些詞往往很難出彩，因為描述太過於抽象，如果能用到諸如ambitious, tactful, eloquent, charismatic, committed之類的詞就很具體了。當然，這些詞需要我們平時的日積月累，不是靠一兩天的功夫就可以運用自如的。還有，值得提醒的是不要認為這些詞好就過分堆積，會給考官留下華而不實的感覺，正如優秀的廚師往往都不會用太多的佐料，而只需油鹽就可以了。
雅思寫作取得高分的關鍵在於靈活地運用詞彙，多使用非常用詞彙，分數一般來說不會低於5.5分。因此，在日常學習中，如何區別低分詞彙和高分詞彙是關鍵所在。中國考生一般來說可以比較正確的表達出自己的觀點，但是對於詞彙和句式的使用就有些茫然了，經常會重復使用詞彙，句式也只會用簡單句。舉一個例子，英語中的『我認為』有無數種說法，大多數中國考生只會用『I think』 , 值得注意的是，學術寫作中的 『我認為』不能使用這個片語，I contend, from my point of view, as far as I am concerned, I argue, I assert…這些詞彙都是學術英語中表示個人觀點的高分詞彙。
4. 語法的多樣性和准確性
句子的好壞主要取決於句子結構的准確性和豐富性，句子的長度和復雜性以及用語的邏輯性和正式性。
句子結構的准確性涉及主謂一致、句子平衡性等問題，比如：The main reason for this use of informal languages are various and complicated. 這個句子不細心的同學很難發現它有問題，因為主語太長有時會忽視真正的主語其實是the main reason，是個單數形式，所以are 應該改為is. 再比如：In my opinion, use mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than write letters. 這是個很典型的錯誤，很多同學在寫作的過程當中會誤把動詞或動詞短語當主語用而造成句子結構的錯誤，而只有動詞的非謂語形式才能在句中充當主語或賓語，因此，此句正確的表達應該是：In my opinion, using mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than writing letters.
句子結構的豐富性也是考官給分的一個亮點，好的段落應該由不同的句式組成，而不應該是千篇一律的句子結構。例如：I have many hobbies. For example, I like movies, I like playing basketball and football, and I like singing and dancing. 很明顯，該句完全由「I + do」結構組成且like使用的頻率過高，我們不妨做如下修改：I have many hobbies. Movies, for example, are my favorite and I am also fond of playing basketball and football. Sometimes when staying with my friends, I』d prefer singing and dancing rather than any other way of amusement.
句子的長度和難度是很多考生追求的目標，其實並不需要每個句子都寫得很長很復雜，相反，如果整篇文章都是長難句，考官也會覺得很厭煩，就像一個人喜歡吃紅燒肉，如果你天天給他吃紅燒肉，他也會覺得很膩味一樣，因此最好的方法就是長短句結合。
短句變長：即善用連接詞and, but, or, yet, so等。例如：Living off campus is exciting. Living off campus is more independent. I prefer the convenience of living on campus. 不難看出，這是兩種對立的觀點，因此我們可以將其變為：Living off campus is exciting and more independent, but I prefer the convenience of living on campus.
還有比較重要的一點是不容忽視的，即用語的正式性和嚴謹性。實際上，在漢語中也有很多這樣的例子，比如我們說：「這里人真多啊!」這就是一個典型的口語化的表達方式，而如果用「人山人海」、「車水馬龍」、「摩肩接踵」等詞來形容人多就是寫作語言了。我們不妨看幾個非正式用語的句子：Parents have to get kids food and other stuff. 此句中的kids和stuff就是兩個非正式用語，如變成：Parents have to provide children with food and other necessities.就正式了。再如：People always say competitive sports are totally cool. 此句中的cool以及這個句式都是屬於比較口語化的，應該變為：It is always said that competitive sports benefit us in several important ways.
⑺ 會雅思的大神過來幫我看看這篇大作文，幫我評分，謝謝
第一段用這個some,others,I support both的寫法可以確保你不能突破6。這種句子在看了無數類似作文的考官眼裡就是考生在挑戰他的智商，無論如何都要摒棄這種句子。後面的段落里小錯不斷，基本每句都有。雅思作文一句話里有一點錯誤就算錯，所有句子全有小錯就是正確率0，不會超過5分。具體的小錯太多列不過來，就挑幾個說好了，應該是have a discussion about to what extent....should be penalized，你寫的那個是不通順的。還有must will，這真是太可怕了～從你語法來看，文章里很多詞都不該是你能駕馭得了的，所以搭配都很奇怪，建議你不要害怕重復，不要勉強自己去用駕馭不了的詞，減少出錯才重要。
最後，你現在這個階段想要提升的話一定要自己認真改自己的作文，每一個搭配都要去詞典找，這樣能最快速度提升語感積累搭配
⑻ 各位大神幫忙看看這篇雅思小作文能給多少分，謝謝了。
最高5.5
沒有太復雜的句子 沒有比較，只是寫出來數字，有的地方有一點點錯誤，可能是打字的時候出現的
想要提高一點要有比較
⑼ 求一篇雅思的英語作文
Should ecation and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?
The improvement of the life level e to the economic development has led people to focus more on their spiritual life, with their ecation and healthcare inclusive, but who has to be responsible for the cost of ecation and healthcare has been raised onto heated discussion.
Health care and ecation, two of the basic elements in social life, are always in the concern of the public. Some people suggest that the service in these two fields should be paid by the government and be free to the public; while others believe it to be the ty of the people to pay on themselves. As to me, the coverage on ecation and healthcare should be made the ty of the government while leaving some special demands to be burdened by indivials.
Government free provision of ecation and healthcare can demonstrate their responsibility in serving the people. Having fulfilled their obligations to the country in the form of taxes, citizens have the right to enjoy the service in return from the government, with ecation and health care being the two basic ones. Also, as the ty carrier in promoting social development, by guaranteeing the right of ecation and health care, the government are enabled to encourage citizens to make more contributions to the society.
Government』s investment on these two fields is beneficial to ensure social equality. Being free of charge, every citizen can take advantage of these social services, without the worries about being treated unfairly e to their lack of social resources, such as their social status and human network. Besides, this will be helpful to rece the difference between the rich and the poor, at least in these two basic rights, creating a more harmonious social atmosphere.
Admittedly, if the citizens are wealthy enough, or when they demand some special service, or when the government is too limited in its budget, indivials』 sharing some of the cost may also seem to be reasonable. However, rare cases of particular requirements do not represent the general pursuits of the public, and limitation in budget does not free the government of its accountability.
To sum up, government should provide free ecation and healthcare to the public and pay the cost. Only when people are better ecated and healthier in physiques, can the society be more harmonious in atmosphere and dynamic in development.
這是我在雅思救星上看到的一篇雅思作文範文，相信對你有用，你也可以去看看其它的範文。
⑽ 請英語達人幫忙看看我這篇雅思寫作能得多少分
同意一樓，此外，剔除那些模板句後，實質性的東西很少，也就是說論證不飽滿；文章在許多不必要的地方用了「大詞」（formal words or terms），卻恰恰顯示出作者駕馭這門語言的能力欠缺，彷彿小孩說大人話。。。
建議多看些原汁原味的文章，莫過早模仿所謂的「雅思高分範文」