『壹』 五年級英語笑話
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」
我就知道這些了！
『貳』 簡單的英語小笑話(小學五年級左右)
選一選吧
1Fine for Parking
Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong.
2.Self-help
I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." (note: "self-help" has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like)
3.I Couldn't Digest So Many Apples
Doctor gravely(嚴肅地): "If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead." Patient: "Sorry, I couldn't digest(消化） so many apples."
4.Is This a Question
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? " A student wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The students received an "A" on the exam.
5.A Dollar Per Point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
如果不好可登陸http://www.poptool.net/life/joke/127/story_5073.html
『叄』 求五年級水平的英語笑話
1. Virtue
Many years after receiving my graate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
獲取研究生學位多年以後，我回到位於賓翰頓的紐約州立大學當教員。一天，電梯里很擁擠，有人抱怨電梯效率太低。我說自我在那裡當學生起，20年來電梯一直沒有換過。
最後當電梯門打開時，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回過頭來我看到一位年長的修女正在朝我微笑。「你會拿到學位的，親愛的，」她低聲說道：「堅持不懈是一種美德。」
2. Difference
"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," observed the instructor in one of my graate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graate students just write it down."
區 別
「研究生班和本科生很容易就能區別開來，」在洛杉磯加利福利亞州立大學給我們研究生上工程學課的老師如此說。「我說『下午好』，本科生們回答說『下午好』。研究生們則把我說的話記在筆記本上。」
3.Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long."
太久
一家報紙的旅行版編輯打開電話，說她終於決定要採用一篇我幾年前寫的文章。她想確定那旅遊信息是否還可靠。「我還想確定，」她怯怯地坦白道：「您是否還健在。每次發現作者已經不在人世了，我才知道我將文章壓得太久了。」
4.Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
麵包和黃油費
幾年前，我當律師的爸爸帶我去紐約的一家高檔餐館。帳單上來時，上面有1.5美元的麵包和黃油費。爸爸付了帳，連同麵包和黃油的收費一齊付了。但是第二天，他給餐館寄了一封信，說那項收費是沒有道理的。隨信還寄上了一張500美元的法律服務機構的收費單。
餐館馬上打來電話，問道：「這500美元的收費單是怎麼回事？我們從來沒有要什麼法律機構的服務。」
爸爸答道，「我也從來沒有要什麼麵包和黃油。」
那1.5美元立即就寄了回來。
5. Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠葯
鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠葯。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了葯，睡得很好，在鬧鍾響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老闆說：「我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。」
「好啊!」老闆吼道，「那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？」
6.He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
『肆』 簡單的小學英語小笑話（5年級)不要太短，口語比賽用
手裡沒有現成的，從網上篩選了兩個，感覺不錯。
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
『伍』 求一個五年級英語笑話或故事,不要超過100詞..
燕子太太正抄與鄰居聊天…襲燕子太太：昨天我老公喝醉酒…。吐的整個窩都是…。鄰居：真是的……好惡心喔！！燕子太太：更惡心的還在後面…鄰居：怎麼………。燕子太太：今天一早……來了兩個人人，竟就把我家拿去…，說什麼回去要吃燕窩。
有一個小孩在果園里偷蘋果，他爬在樹上，正想摘一個蘋果，突然被管理員看到了，管理員說：「小孩你給我下來，竟然敢偷蘋果，你爸爸在哪？我要找他說話。」小孩看了看上面，說：「爸爸有位先生要找你說話。」
一老師叫一學生用「懇求」和「要求」造句。學生想了片刻答道：「昨天，我媽煮了一隻雞。吃雞的時候。我爸說，老婆咋『啃求』不動呢？我媽不悅道，『要求』你啃！
『陸』 英語小笑話及翻譯，不要太長，單詞最好是五年級的。
小泉純一郎訪美在即，他覺得應該跟布希說幾句英語以示學識淵博，便向智囊請教。 對曰， 你可以說， How are you,(你好嗎？） 他必定答： I』m fine,are you? (我很好，你呢？） 你可以接著說： Me too (我也很好） 這樣就很體面，又簡單。 小泉記在心上。到了美國，布希偕夫人勞拉前來迎接。小泉純一郎開始表演。 How are you? 可惜他的舌頭有點大，說成了 Who are you?(你是誰？） 布希以為小泉純一郎在玩幽默，便也幽默作答： I』m Lara』s husband.（我是勞拉的丈夫。） 小泉純一郎立刻微笑的接語： Me too (我也是。）
英譯
Koizumi Junichino visits the USA in namely, he thought should to Bush say several English show to have great learning, then consults to the brain truster.
To said that, you may say, How are you? He answers surely: I am fine, are you? You may then say that, Me too .It's very dignified and simple.
The small spring records on his heart.
To US, Bush has accompanied Madame Laura to come to greet.Koizumi Junichino starts to perform. How are you?——But his tongue a little was what a pity big, talked into「 Who are you?」
Bush thought Koizumi Junichino is playing humorously, then also humorously does answers: 「I' m Lara' s husband」. Koizumi Junichino smiles immediately hinting word:「 Me too」.
『柒』 五年級英語笑話五句以內帶翻譯
Good News And Bad News
"There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's it?"
"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"And the bad news?"
"After the divorce, she's marrying your father."
好消息和壞消息
「有好消息，也有壞消息，」離婚律師告訴他的當事人。
「我總能聽到一些好消息吧，」當事人嘆了口氣說，「是什麼好消息？」
「你妻子沒有要求將你未來的繼承財產也劃入裁決的范圍。」
「那麼壞消息呢？」
「離婚以後，她將與你父親結婚。」
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too..."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
「喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？」 媽媽問。
「媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。」
Lost Purse
A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
中文：
一個女人丟了手提包，有一個誠實的小孩撿到後交還給了她。她看了看錢包，說：「嗯，這么有趣，我丟的時候裡面是一張20美元，現在成了20張一美元。」
「沒錯，夫人。」小男孩立刻回答道，「上次我撿到錢包時，那位夫人沒有零錢獎賞給我。」
英語小笑話
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
湯姆的借口
老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校---慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and
saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very
pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and
said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.
What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all
myself," said Tim.
你爸爸幫你了嗎？
一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興
，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都
做對了，怎麼回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？"
"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
『捌』 短英文笑話（五年級）
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
湯姆的借口
老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.
你爸爸幫你了嗎？
一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都做對了，怎麼回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？"
"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"