① 求、八年級水平英語小笑話
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似
鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
② 急求八年級英語笑話及翻譯
要 幾個?
我想了幾個:
1.Teacher:Johnny,why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny:Every time i come to the corner, a guidepost says,"school Go slow"
老師:約翰尼，為什麼你每天早上上學都遲到?「
約翰尼:"每當我經過拐角處，就看見牌上寫著:學校----慢行！
2.Teacher:When is the best time to pick the apples from the trees?
student:When the watchman is not there.
老師:從樹上摘蘋果的最佳時間是什麼時候?
學生：當看守人不在那裡的時候。
3.Tom：what are you doing now?
Mike:i am counting the stars.
TOM:it is dark now.Count them tomorrow moring.
湯姆:你在做什麼？
麥克:我在數星星。
湯姆:現在 天黑，明天早上在數吧。
隨便遍的。自我 感覺 不太好笑。。。。。-_-!
③ 求盡量簡短的英語小笑話 要初二學生會讀的 帶翻譯 謝謝
watering flowers in rain
Tom:Why do you have that watering can?
Dan:I'm going to water the flowers.
Tom:But it'raining.
Dan:That's OK.I'm wearing my raincoat.
雨天澆花
湯姆抄：你拿噴壺做什麼？襲
丹：我要去澆花。
湯姆：但是天在下雨啊。
丹：沒關系，我穿著雨衣呢。
④ 我求一些英語閱讀的笑話~~~盡量就是小短文~~~誰能幫幫我啊
搜就好了啊
這是我查到的
1、How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
中文翻譯
"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多麼不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問道："你會說多少英文？"
被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"
2
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
丈夫給妻子看了一項調查結果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個字，而女人每天使用30000個。
妻子想了一會兒說，女人每天說的字數是男人的兩倍，因為她們必須重復已經說過的話。
他問："什麼？"
3
Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：這個座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
4、
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了？" 媽媽在廚房裡問。"他在哭。"
"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。"
"他已經吃完自己的了么？"
"是的。" "我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。"
2009-6-7
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
路人甲對路人乙說，"猜猜我兜里有幾個子兒？"
路人乙說："我猜對了，你能給我一個不？"
路人甲說："你要猜對了，我兩個全部給你！"
2009-6-6研究生和本科生的區別
"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," said an instructor at a university graate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graate students just write it down."
一個教師在研究生工程學課堂上說："我一眼就能看出來哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" "我說'下午好'的時候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。"
2009-6-5
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？
湯姆：每個月都有啊！
2009-6-4making faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐發現她的一名學生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責他。
這位主日學校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠都那麼丑。"
博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"
2009-6-3
A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.
While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."
She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."
一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。
當他和祖母聊天時，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，並把花生都給吃光了。
他們離開時，他的朋友對祖母說:"謝謝您的花生。"
結果祖母說:"唉！自從我牙齒掉光後，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"
2009-6-2
A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多麼可怕。
他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。清水裡蟲子安然無恙，結果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。
"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什麼結論？"
"恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚裡就不會長蟲了！"
2009-6-1
Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.
"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."
"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"
"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."
中文翻譯：
一個看起來很難受的窮人走進大夫的診室。
"大夫！"他說，"幫幫我！一個月前我吞了一分硬幣！"
"天哪，"大夫說，"早幹嘛去了？你當時怎麼不來看？"
"實話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當時還不缺錢！"
2009-5-31
Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。
女孩：應該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯誤。
2009-5-30
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
"To be deaf," replied the boy.
"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
在一次音樂學院的入學考試中，老師問其中一個男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質是什麼？"
"耳聾，"男孩答道。
"胡說！"老師氣憤地說。
"怎麼了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個聾子嗎？"男孩輕蔑地反問道。
2009-5-28
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待："你怎麼了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？"
男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。"
酒吧招待："那你應該高興才是啊！"
男人："不，今天是這個月的最後一天。"
【Laughter】2009-5-27
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
女人找了老公之前都在擔憂未來。男人娶了老婆之前從來不為未來擔憂。
2009-5-26
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會買；而對於女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會買。
2009-5-25
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"
女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。
"不論是誰，一旦違規，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什麼疑問么？"
這時人群中一個男同學問道，"那麼一個季度通行證需要多少錢？"
2009-5-24
Boy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.
男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？
女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。
2009-5-22
Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.
醫生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：應該如此。我昨晚練習了一整夜。
2009-5-21
Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."
Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."
皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當我跌落的時候，我腦海里浮現了我做過的所有蠢事。"
鮑勃："你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧。"
2009-5-19
Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……"
哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什麼大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"
弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"
2009-5-18
A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"
"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"
巡警發現一名婦女邊開車邊織毛衣，便開車上前，說："靠邊停車(套頭衫)！"
"不，" 她回答，"是一雙襪子！"
⑤ 八年級英語笑話
1.Teacher:Johnny,why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny:Every time i come to the corner, a guidepost says,"school Go slow"
老師:約翰尼，為什麼你每天早上上學都遲到?「
約翰尼:"每當我經過拐角處，就看見牌上寫著:學校----慢行！
2.Teacher:When is the best time to pick the apples from the trees?
student:When the watchman is not there.
老師:從樹上摘蘋果的最佳時間是什麼時候?
學生：當看守人不在那裡的時候。
3.Tom：what are you doing now?
Mike:i am counting the stars.
TOM:it is dark now.Count them tomorrow moring.
湯姆:你在做什麼？
麥克:我在數星星。
湯姆:現在 天黑，明天早上在數吧。
沒有問題 一個禿頭的男人坐在美容美發店裡。發型師問:「我有什麼可以幫你的嗎?」那個人解釋說:「我本來要去做頭發移植,但那樣實在太疼了。如果你能夠讓我的頭發看起來像你的一樣,而且沒有任何痛苦,我將付給你5,000美元。」「沒問題,」發型師說,然後他很快把自己的頭剃了個精光。No ProblemA bald man took a seat in a beauty shop.「How can I help you?asked the stylist.「I went for a hairtransplant,」the guy explained,「but Icouldn't stand the pain.If you can makemy hair look like yours without causingme any discomfort,I'll pay you$5,000.」「No problem,」said the stylist,andhe quickly shaved his head.I Hung Him Up to DryJim
⑥ 初二英語小笑話
One day after school a tree-lined trail, Xiao Maohai a lovely to see me holding a bag of candy attractive, Staring straight candy go, I see him so cute slander, So funny, he's playing: You called my sister gave ten sound you eat candy, Voice faded, the "Voice of the tenth sister," Xiao Maohai immediately called the!
"I am speechless by ...?" ah!
某天,經過學校的一條林蔭小道，
一可愛的小毛孩見我手裡拿著一包誘專人的糖果屬，
直瞪著糖果不放，我見他讒得那麼可愛，
於是逗他玩的：你叫十聲姐姐我就給你糖果吃的，
話音剛落，「十聲姐姐」小毛孩立刻就叫了！
「啊。。。？」我無言了！《轉》作者：小美 （版權）
⑦ 求：5篇初二水平的英語小笑話。
****** One evening I was commenting on my bad exercise habits and tight clothes. Whenever I criticize myself, my four-year-old daughter always has something charming to say.
Using a new word this time, she smiled and said, "Oh, no, Mommy! You look fabulous!"
******
「Make sure you wash your hands before your piano lesson,」 I reminded my eight-year-old son. "They're probably dirty from soccer practice."
"Don't have to, Mom," he reassured me. "Today I'm practicing in E Flat Minor. They're black keys."
⑧ 急求開心英語八年級閱讀理解150篇的答案！
【1】閱讀,判斷對錯,對的寫「T」錯的寫「F」: Z: Excuse me, sir. Is there a bookstore near here? P: No, there isn』t. But there is one next to the hospital. Z: Where is the post office, please? P: It』s west of the hospital.
Z: Is it far from here? P: Yes. Z: How can I get there? P: First, turn left and take the No.16 bus at the bus stop. Next, get off at the hospital. Then, cross the street. You』ll be in front of the post office. Z: Thank you. P: You』re welcome.
( ) 1 There is a bookstore near the school. ( ) 2 The post office is next to the bookstore. ( ) 3 The post office is west of the hospital. ( ) 4 Zhang Peng walks to the bookstore. ( ) 5 Zhang Peng asks a policeman for help.
【2】讀文章選擇正確的答案:
My parents work in a shoe factory. They get up at 5:30. They first cook breakfast. Then they go to work by bus. They work there from 8:00am to 5:00pm. They come home at about 6:00pm and cook supper for us in the evening. Mother washes clothes in the evening. Father often makes toys for us in the evening. They are busy all day. But they like their jobs very much and the boss likes them too. ( ) 1. Father gets up at_____. A. 5:30 B. 6:00 ( ) 2.My parents are _____. A. teachers B. workers ( ) 3. Do my parents work in the factory the evening? A. Yes, they do. B. No, they don』t. ( ) 4. My parents work for _____ hours every day. A. 10 B. 9 ( ) 5. My parents are _____ workers. A. good B. bad
【3】讀文章補全句子: Hello, everyone. I』m Liu Yun. I have a big family. My father is a policeman. He is tall and strong. He is kind. He always help people in trouble( 有困難的) My mom is an actress. She is very beautiful, she likes music and she dances well. She often goes abroad(出國) by plane. My aunt is a doctor. She works in a hospital. She often goes to work by subway. But sometimes she goes there by taxi. I have an uncle, too. He』s an artist. He』s tall and thin. He has long hair. His painting looks terrific( 棒極了) 1).What does Liu Yun』s father do?
2).How does Liu Yun』s mother go to work?
3) ? She is an actress. 4).Where does Liu Yun』s aunt work?
5). ? She often goes to work by subway. 6).Who is an artist? .
【4】從所給的單詞中選擇合適的單詞補全短文,每空填一詞,每詞用一次。注意大小寫。 【take bus on have minutes next west has post office newspaper shoe store his get her post card 】
I _______ a cousin. _________ name is Willy. ________ Sunday is his birthday. I am going to send him a _________ .So I am going to the _________ this afternoon. It』s _________ of the museum. I can get there by the No.25 _________ . _________off at the _________ .Walk south for five _________.
⑨ 英語小笑話 (初二)80個單詞要翻譯
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。
⑩ 適合八年級學生讀的英語笑話（盡可能短）
thank you very much 3顆葯 喂你媽吃 呵呵