㈠ 英語短文閱讀
我的父親總是有一個現成的微笑，一類詞。小時候，他帶我釣魚或去公園。當時，我們接近，我想長大了要像爸爸。然後，事情開始發生變化。我無法抽出時間與他的任何東西更多，我們用來論證了很多，我知道這是我是誰通常始於它。
爸爸勸我，但它是對我們硬。我覺得很尷尬-他從來沒有學會閱讀和輟學參加一個汽車修理廠工作。然後，他開始出現奇怪。他總是睡覺，深夜，當我看見他在第二天早上將有大約他的黑眼圈。一天晚上，我發現了原因。
這是冷，所以我決定讓另外的毯子熱身。廚房的燈還就和我去將其關閉。在拐角處看，我看見廚房的桌子我的父親，一個在他面前的書和筆，在他的手。他慢慢地靜靜地閱讀。過了一會兒，我承認蘇斯博士的「戴帽子的貓」字樣。我買這本書我小時候，並要求我父親看我。我記得他的臉如何變成紅色，他遞給我，回說：「對不起，兒子。」現在，我聽到熟悉的話從他的嘴唇來，我驚呆了。
我從來沒有提到我的發現，但我開始為我的父親更多的尊重。我經常向他請教，花更多的時間與他。
夏季的一天，我來到我們的車庫中找到一個新的賽車。 「希望你喜歡它，」我父親說。這3個字是建立在我嘴邊，但我仍然不能告訴他我愛他。
作家無法獲得與他的父親，因為______。
他的父親幾乎沒有教育
他的父親經常試圖與他爭論
他的父親十分忙碌，沒有做任何與他
他的父親行為奇怪
為什麼他的父親留在晚上呢？
他有太多的工作要做，為汽車修理廠。
這房子是如此寒冷，以致他無法入睡。
他在尋找這本書「帽子里的貓」。
㈡ 英語短文閱讀
1.She's five.
2.No,she doen't.
3.Yes,she is.
4.She's sitting at the table with a pencil in her hand and writing.
㈢ 英語短文閱讀理解
（1） 算出你需要多少錢，並帶上足夠的錢。
（2）important need
I need make a shopping list, take enough money and carry my own shopping bags.
意思相版近的句子： There are many nice things in the shopping mall,but what you really need is only some of them.
主題句：權 Here are some shopping tips for you
㈣ 閱讀短文，回答問題.（英語的）
I am Ken. I love the stamps very much. Now I have about two hundred stamps. I always go to the post office to buy stamps at the weekend. Sometimes I use my pocket money to buy some stamps, but I can』t buy the most beautiful ones. Because they are very dear. Now I have 50 yuan. It』 s enough to buy a new stamp with a panda. So I get ready to go to the post office near my house.
我是肯。我非常喜歡郵票。現在我大約已有二百張郵票了。我總是在周末去郵局買郵票。有時我用零花錢買郵票，但我卻買不起那些最漂亮的，因為他們太貴了。現在我有五十元了。足夠我去買一張帶熊貓的郵票了。所以我已經准備好去離我家不遠的郵局買郵票了。
1.How many stamps does Ken have?肯有多少張郵票？
2.What does Ken do at the weekend?肯在周末干什麼？
3.Why can』t Ken buy the most beautiful stamps?為什麼肯不能買那些最貴的郵票？
4.Does Ken use his pocket money to buy stamps?肯用零花錢買郵票嗎？
5.Where is the post office?郵局在哪？
1.Two hundred.二百張
2. He often goes to the post office to buy stamps.他經常去郵局買郵票。
3.Because it's very dear.因為太貴了。
4.Yes, he does.是的。
5. It's near Ken's house.郵局在肯家附近。
㈤ 英語閱讀短文
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10 Reasons To Love An Empowered Woman
Aaron 於2015-08-01發布 l 已有
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教你零基礎學英語 外教任意選，每天陪你練口語 公交車上也能聽英語 英語口語8000句
一個有能力的女人知道自己想要的是什麼，知道如何給予，知道如何生活得豐富，也知道如何回應你的愛。
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10 Reasons To Love
An Empowered Woman
If you are looking for someone
you can pour out your love to,
let me suggest the empowered woman.
The empowered woman knows what she
wants, knows how to get it,
knows how to live fully, and
she knows how to love you back
without needing anyone』s approval or
recognition. An empowered woman is
unarguably one of the most magnificent
beings you will ever come in
contact with. Read on and find 10
reason why you should absolutely love
and embrace the empowered women in
your life! .
1. She knows how to love
you in return
It is
difficult to give what you
don』t have. It is impossible to
love someone and feel fulfilled when
they can』t love you in return
because they don』t love themselves.
This will never happen to you
when you love an empowered woman.
She loves herself (not in a
narcissistic manner). In turn, she
appreciates who you are and loves
you in return. She will love
you just like you deserve to be
loved.
2. She will inspire
you
When life puts you
down and you are at the end
of your rope, the empowered woman
will be there to see you
through. Her drive, enthusiasm and
(at times) hopeless optimism will
inspire you to carry on despite
the obstacles you face.
3. She is not afraid of
failure
While many out
there are thoroughly terrified of
failure, the empowered woman understands
that failures are simply stepping
stones in life. How can you
not love someone that is thoroughly
unafraid to try, fail, and give
it a shot all over again?!
4. She is all about the
legacy
While most people
are focused on the car, the
house, the job, and corner office;
the empowered woman is focused on
leaving a legacy that will inspire
others and change the world. The
empowered woman is focused on
empowering others to maximize their
potential and fulfill their purpose.
She is all about inspiring others
to look beyond themselves and live
a life of service to others.
5. She can laugh at her
mistakes…
…and learn from
them as well! She understands mistakes
are part of the journey. The
empowered woman can laugh and learn
from her mistakes to ensure they
never happen again.
6. She can be
vulnerable
The empowered woman
understands there is no debt in
relationships without vulnerability. Although
she is emotionally strong, she is
willing to laugh and cry with
you because all of these emotions
are an essential part of life.
7. She can speak her
mind
While everyone else
is too concerned with what others
may think or say, the empowered
woman is not afraid to speak
her mind. She understands that her
value comes from within, not from
what others say or think about
her.
8. She knows when to remain
quiet
She lives by Abe
Lincoln』s words, 「Better to remain
silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak out and remove
all doubt.」
9. She knows how to have
fun
Whether it is at
the symphony or at a ball game,
the empowered woman understands life
is made up of experiences with
people – not the places you go.
She is able to live in the
moment and enjoy it fully without
being concerned for the future. After
all, who』s got a guaranteed
future?
10. She is not afraid of
change
While most people
rather continue on living unfulfilled
lives as long as their comfort
zone remains intact, the empowered
woman is all about embracing change.
She understands growth cannot happen
without change. She understands that
change is the gift life offers
you to choose your destiny. Therefore,
she is not afraid of change
because it is her stepping stone
towards success
㈥ 學英語，哪裡有簡單的適合初級者閱讀的文章呢
新概念英語
網上有很多下載的。或直接去書店買
㈦ 英語短文閱讀
看國家地理頻道，最喜愛各類野生動物。每每看過，總會感慨自然界的動
物活得難啊——覓食固不易，生存更危險；萬物相侵害，一環扣一環。
好不容易一口一口銜食喂大的小鳥，讓黃鼬一下就連窩端了，她窩里還有
一群小崽子；剛出殼不久的小海鷗、小企鵝，硬讓賊鷹從父母腳底下給叼走了；
至於羚羊、角馬之類食草動物，時刻都在肉食動物的窺伺之中，不得安寧……
危乎險矣，弱肉強食。野生動物的那點自由，需要何等的血的代價！
由此便想到狗狗以及同類，不能不佩服，聰明！以狗狗之肥胖、鮮嫩、笨
拙，在野生環境下絕活不過三天，肯定被吃得連骨頭也不剩。可是現在，它比
人吃得還好，睡得比人還放心。它的生存環境和野生動物一比，那它見的世面
就大了！
狗是動物中最聰明的，它看起來是投靠了人，做了人類的奴才；其實，也
可以反過來說是利用了人，揣摸透了人的弱點，讓人心甘情願地成了它的僕人。
人不是最虛榮、最有領袖欲嗎？那好，它迎合你，服從你，忠誠於你，讓
你高高在上，滿足你這點小愛好。
人不是最怕寂寞，最怕空虛嗎？那好，它裝憨賣傻，活力二八，跟隨左右，
陪伴終生，使你覺得最堪信賴的是犬不是人，所以有個億萬富婆臨終把遺產給
了愛犬而不給兒孫。
至於你捨不得吃肉而給它吃肉，你為它洗澡、治病、打針、梳毛、遛彎兒，
它吃得香了你高興，它屙不出屎來你蹩勁兒……如此服務，漸成習慣，回頭一
想，咦，似乎還沒對哪個人這么有耐性過！
這不是，你讓狗耍了，明知道你也願意。
而且，它絕不愁瀕臨滅絕。它的一個狗兒子明碼標價，它還沒生，就有一
大群人等著買呢！它不愁計劃生育，也不怕難產，有醫生給它做剖腹產手術呢！
要說狗現在過得比人好，一點不過分。住高樓別墅，乘豪華轎車，真是鍾
鳴鼎食、錦衣玉佩、公子哥兒、淑女名媛。可是人弄得這些，得奮斗一輩子還
不一定行，狗呢，一點勁兒不費，嘿嘿，坐享其成！
你說，是狗聰明還是人聰明。
8
．第二節中寫到野生動物的生存之艱難，目的何在？
9
．文中說狗狗見的世面比野生動物的大，你能結合文章說說它都見過哪些
世面嗎？
㈧ 5篇英語課外閱讀小短文
不懂的問爸爸媽咪!
（ 1 ） Poor Man
Look at this man. What is he doing? He』s carrying a very big box. The box is full of big apples. He wants to put it on the back of his bike and take it home. Can he do that? No, I don』t think so. Why not? Because the box is too full and too heavy. Look! What』s wrong? He drops the box. Poor man!
（ 2 ） Kate
Kate is a new student. She is twelve. She is from America. She can speak English very well and she can speak a little Chinese. She is in Nanjing. Her parents are doctors. Kate is studying in a school near her home. She has classes from Monday to Friday. On Saturdays and Sundays, she often plays games with her Chinese friends. She loves China and her Chinese friends.
（ 3 ） Can you find Bob?
Hello, Betty. Please meet Bob at the station at nine o』clock tomorrow morning. Go to the big clock. Carry a green bag and wear a white hat. He』s not very tall but quite fat. He has short black hair and brown eyes. He also has glasses. He likes wearing blue trousers and a red sweater, Can you find him, Betty?
( 4 ) My Room
This is my room. Near the window there is a desk. I often do my homework at it. You can see some books, some flowers in a vase, a ruler and a pen. On the wall near the desk there is a picture of a cat. There is a clock above the end of my bed. I usually put my football under my bed. Of course there is a chair in front of the desk. I sit there and I can see the trees and roads outside.
( 5 ) What are they doing?
The White family is at home. Mrs White is in the kitchen. She is cooking. Mr White is sitting in a chair and reading the newspaper. Tom and his friend Dick are cleaning the bicycle. Jane and her friend Mary are in Jane』s bedroom. They are listening to a tape.
㈨ 英語短文閱讀
Reading is very important. World Book Day falls on April 23 every year. It encourages people, especially teenagers, to discover the pleasure of reading. It is also the day to honor (尊敬) great writers.
Many countries celebrate (慶祝) World Book Day. On that day, millions of school children can buy books at a much lower price than usual in any bookstore in England. It has been done every year since 1998. World Book Day is also celebrated in China. Wen Jiabao, Premier of China, is an avid reader. He does lots of reading every day though he is very busy. On World Book Day 2009, he called on (號召) people to do more reading. Wen suggested that young people should spend more time reading. 「Books can not change the world, but people can change the world by changing themselves through reading,」 he said.
Reading helps us become more knowledgeable and smarter. Reading helps us to follow the latest developments of science and technology (技術). Reading gives us information about other cultures and places in the world. Reading is also one of the most important ways to learn a foreign language like English. We all know that it is difficult to learn everything in the classroom, for example, the ways English people are living and working today can be learnt by reading.
Books, magazines, newspapers and other kinds of reading materials can help us to know more about the outside world. Therefore, it is necessary for us to spend time reading every day.
㈩ 英語短文閱讀
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最偉大的擊劍手
在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。
他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來－－然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。
「你為什麼這么高興？」有人嚷道，「你沒擊中!」
「啊，」劍手答道，「你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的－－但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。」
—————————————————————————————————————————
A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞錯了
一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡，醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。「每人給我五百美元，」他說，「我將把你們送回人間，就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。」
「成交!」美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。
「其他人在哪兒？」一名醫生問道。
「我離開之前，」那名美國人說，「我看見英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。」
————————————————————————————————————————
Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
豬還是女巫
一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：「豬！！」那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：「女巫！！」他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。
—————————————————————————————————————————
Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答問技巧
衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：「這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。」
當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：「當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。」
一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：「如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅？」
獲獎的答案是：「最接近門口的那一幅。」
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
偉大的獵手Jonesie
有個小村莊正為一隻吃人的獅子而煩惱。於是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸。
獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現。最後，他要求村長殺只羊然後把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上後，獵人到草原上去等獅子。
半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近後，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。
「Jonesie，怎麼了？獅子在哪？」村長問。
「哪有獅子！」獵人怒吼道，「哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了？」
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天氣預報
一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周後,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"導演說.他告訴秘書僱傭該印度人來預報天氣.
幾次預報都很成功.然後,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.
最後,導演派人去把他叫來了."我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"
印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表現得象位女士
一天，遠東百貨公司的女裝大減價，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件。可是，沒過多久，他發現自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。
他竭力忍耐著。後來，他低下頭，揮動雙臂，擠過人群。
「你幹嘛？」有人尖聲叫道，「你難道不能表現得象位紳士嗎？」
「聽著，」他說，「我已經象紳士一樣表現了一個小時。從現在起，我要表現得象個女士。」
這樣可以么?很多哦
回答者： 寒蟬鳴泣の時 - 魔法師 四級 2009-5-19 21:06
1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交遊，外面的空氣很好，人感覺很舒服。我們騎著自行車一路欣賞鳥語花香。享受著大自然帶給我們的無限美好。大家開開心心地度過了愉快的一天。
2。Today Mailehaoo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天買了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，買東西有父母幫付錢。不像平時自己上街買東西碰到喜歡的但看了價錢都要考慮好久，呵呵，真的是很開心。我愛我的父母，太感謝他們對我的關心和愛戴了。
3.Flute " Robinson Crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of British, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. Novel write true naturally, legendary. The protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. Want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for Britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " Robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like Robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. We need possess Robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英國小說家笛福的《魯濱遜漂流記》描述了主人公漂流海島,戰勝困難,艱苦創業的傳奇故事. 小說寫得真實自然,富有傳奇色彩.主人公在孤島上種莊稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛萬苦,生存下來.但想回人間的心切,使他著迷般地只想到如何走出這個鬼地方,結果還是失敗了,最後於1868年回到闊別28年的英國
《魯濱孫漂流記》給我以啟示，他的頑強讓我蠢蠢欲動，想要邁向人生的另一目標，像魯濱孫那樣用自己的力量，到達自己理想的境界。
我們需要具備魯濱遜那樣的刻苦奮斗的精神.
The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最偉大的擊劍手
在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。
他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來－－然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。
「你為什麼這么高興？」有人嚷道，「你沒擊中!」
「啊，」劍手答道，「你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的－－但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。」
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A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞錯了
一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡，醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。「每人給我五百美元，」他說，「我將把你們送回人間，就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。」
「成交!」美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。
「其他人在哪兒？」一名醫生問道。
「我離開之前，」那名美國人說，「我看見英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。」
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Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
豬還是女巫
一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：「豬！！」那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：「女巫！！」他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。
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Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答問技巧
衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：「這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。」
當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：「當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。」
一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：「如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅？」
獲獎的答案是：「最接近門口的那一幅。」
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Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
偉大的獵手Jonesie
有個小村莊正為一隻吃人的獅子而煩惱。於是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸。
獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現。最後，他要求村長殺只羊然後把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上後，獵人到草原上去等獅子。
半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近後，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。
「Jonesie，怎麼了？獅子在哪？」村長問。
「哪有獅子！」獵人怒吼道，「哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了？」
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Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天氣預報
一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周後,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"導演說.他告訴秘書僱傭該印度人來預報天氣.
幾次預報都很成功.然後,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.
最後,導演派人去把他叫來了."我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"
印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."
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I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表現得象位女士
一天，遠東百貨公司的女裝大減價，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件。可是，沒過多久，他發現自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。
他竭力忍耐著。後來，他低下頭，揮動雙臂，擠過人群。
「你幹嘛？」有人尖聲叫道，「你難道不能表現得象位紳士嗎？」
「聽著，」他說，「我已經象紳士一樣表現了一個小時。從現在起，我要表現得象個女士。」