英語短文閱讀下載

1. 請問什麼地方可以免費下載電子版的英語閱讀理解文章

就在這網路裡面，去搜「英語資料免費下載 ##」
## 代表你要搜的 「考研」「四級」「六級」

會有很多連接冒出來的，多花點功夫找找吧……^_^

2. 英語短文閱讀

1.A snail sleeps much of the time (D)

2.In the sentence "...,the snail draws its body into its to pull (C)

3.From the story we know a snailcan't see well (B)

4.A snail goes to sleep when it rains heavily (D)

5.Which of the following is NOT true?The snail's teeth will never be worn out (C)

3. 英語短文閱讀

我的父親總是有一個現成的微笑，一類詞。小時候，他帶我釣魚或去公園。當時，我們接近，我想長大了要像爸爸。然後，事情開始發生變化。我無法抽出時間與他的任何東西更多，我們用來論證了很多，我知道這是我是誰通常始於它。

爸爸勸我，但它是對我們硬。我覺得很尷尬-他從來沒有學會閱讀和輟學參加一個汽車修理廠工作。然後，他開始出現奇怪。他總是睡覺，深夜，當我看見他在第二天早上將有大約他的黑眼圈。一天晚上，我發現了原因。

這是冷，所以我決定讓另外的毯子熱身。廚房的燈還就和我去將其關閉。在拐角處看，我看見廚房的桌子我的父親，一個在他面前的書和筆，在他的手。他慢慢地靜靜地閱讀。過了一會兒，我承認蘇斯博士的「戴帽子的貓」字樣。我買這本書我小時候，並要求我父親看我。我記得他的臉如何變成紅色，他遞給我，回說：「對不起，兒子。」現在，我聽到熟悉的話從他的嘴唇來，我驚呆了。

我從來沒有提到我的發現，但我開始為我的父親更多的尊重。我經常向他請教，花更多的時間與他。

夏季的一天，我來到我們的車庫中找到一個新的賽車。 「希望你喜歡它，」我父親說。這3個字是建立在我嘴邊，但我仍然不能告訴他我愛他。

作家無法獲得與他的父親，因為______。

他的父親幾乎沒有教育

他的父親經常試圖與他爭論

他的父親十分忙碌，沒有做任何與他

他的父親行為奇怪

為什麼他的父親留在晚上呢？

他有太多的工作要做，為汽車修理廠。

這房子是如此寒冷，以致他無法入睡。

他在尋找這本書「帽子里的貓」。

4. 英語短文閱讀

一：Jack is seven years old. He can do many things by himself. He can smell with his nose. He can use his hands to play basketball. He can enjoy the delicious food with his mouth. In fact, he is proud of his sense of taste. Even though( 即使 ) he closes his eyes, he can still tell different food by his tongue. But his parents are worried about him. Why? Jack is deaf. He became deaf because of a high fever when he was two years old. However, he doesn』 feel sad. He goes to school every day. He is ready to help others. He gets along well with his classmates. He makes up his mind to be a teacher in the future。
二：The students were having their chemistry class. Miss Li was telling the children what water was like. After that, she asked her students, 「What』s water? 「 No one spoke for a few minutes. Miss Li asked again, 「Why don』t you answer my question? Didn』t I tell you what water is like? 「 Just then a boy put up his hand and said, 「Miss Li, you told us that water has no colour and no smell. But where to find such kind of water? The water in the river behind my house is always black and it has a bad smell.」 People polluted it badly. Most of the children agreed with him. 「I』 m sorry, children,」 said the teacher, 「Our water is getting dirtier and dirtier. That』s a problem.」
三：Nasreddin woke up in the middle of the night and saw something whitein his garden.It seemed to be moving towards the house.That is a thief(小偷)! He thought,and he took his gun and shot(開槍) at him. Then he went back to bed,because he was too frightened害怕) to go out of the house in the dark.The next morning Nasreddin went out and saw one of his white shirts hanging on the clothes-line in the garden,his wife had washed it the day before and hung it out to dry. Now it had a bullet- hole right through middle of it.My God,said Nasreddin, I was lucky last night. If I had been wearing that shirt,the bullet would have killed me! And he called his neighbours together and asked them to thank God for saving him.

5. 有哪些閱讀英語文章的app

不同於APP內的自主學習，照本宣讀，外教一對一在線授課的形式更能抓住孩子專的注意力！屬課程設置在合理的25分鍾，「孩子坐不住，注意力渙散」都不存在的！經驗豐富的外教老師更加懂得如何去引導孩子加入自己的英語學習小課堂，寓教於樂的方式只會讓孩子覺得「歡樂的時光總是那麼短暫」！

這里就把阿西吧自主研發的免費【熊出沒趣味體驗課】分享給家長們！點擊藍字即可體驗！阿西吧自主研發課程課件，結合方特動漫的熊出沒系列動畫，為孩子帶來真正意義上的寓教於樂！有了優秀的教材也需要有優秀的老師來進行指導教學，這樣才能進步的很快。

對於孩子的學習，vivi老師始終堅信一句話：興趣是最好的老師。因此無論選擇哪家機構，都要根據孩子的學習興趣、學習狀態、個人計劃，再結合家長自身的經濟實力等多方面因素來考量。關於選課的問題還猶豫不決的家長，如果需要更詳細具體的意見，可以在選課之前找我聊聊，網路搜索vivi老師就可以找到我，我會盡最大努力幫你避雷。

6. 有哪些閱讀英語文章的app

可以閱讀英語文章的app有：有道e讀、扇貝閱讀、ZoReader、愛洋蔥、阿西吧少兒英語app，比較推薦阿西吧。

可以去阿西吧的APP裡面免費領取到一節少兒英語課程，最主要是跟著外教一對一的口語對話，現在分享他們的試聽課給大家，點擊免費領取：【https://www.acadsoc.com】

阿西吧少兒英語app主要是針對少兒的各個年齡階段，是一個比較全面的學習app。從簡單的字母入門再到難一點的情景對話，這個app有著豐富的配音內容，多元化的一些英語情景，圖片多文字少的一個教學，為少年兒童甚至大人提供了一個輕松學英語的平台。

通過這個阿西吧少兒英語app，孩子們可以直接用手機在上面預約課程，然後上課，選課，優勢還可以取消課程，非常方便。足不出戶就可以學習到英語，讓大人也省去了很多配送孩子來回奔波的時間，讓家長省心。而且它還擁有很多美劇影片可以提供給少兒觀看和學習，還有智能的語音打分系統可以糾正少兒的發音問題。

還有其他什麼學習問題，可以網路搜「阿西吧vivi老師」為您分析解答。

想要更多的英語學習資源，可以網路搜「阿西吧官網論壇」免費下載。

7. 拜求，英語短文，有翻譯，TXT格式！謝謝了！越多越好！

卡梅倫在2010年5月11日就職首相的演說詞全文如下（中英文對照）： 卡梅倫在唐寧街10號發表就任首相後首次演講
HER MAJESTY the queen has asked me to form a new government and I have accepted。Before I talk about that new government, let me say something about the one that has just passed. Compared with a decade ago, this country is more open at home and more compassionate abroad, and that is something we should all be grateful for。
女王陛下邀請我組建新一屆政府，我接受了這一邀請。在談論新政府之前，我先說一些上一屆政府的事情。與十年前相比，我們英國在國內更加開放，對外更富有同情心，我們應該為此感到高興。 On behalf of the whole country I would like to pay tribute to the outgoing prime minister, for his long record of dedicated public service。
我代表整個國家，對長期致力於公共服務的前首相表示贊揚和感謝。 In terms of the future, our country has a hung parliament where no party has an overall majority and we have some deep and pressing problems – a huge deficit, deep social problems and a political system in need of reform。
談到未來，我們國家現在有一個任何黨派都不佔絕對議席優勢的議會，我們還面臨著一些深刻而迫切的問題：巨額的赤字，深層次的社會問題和需要改革的政治體制。 For those reasons, I aim to form a proper and full coalition between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats. I believe that is the right way to provide this country with the strong, the stable, the good and decent government that I think we need so badly。
因此，我的目的是聯合保守黨和自由民主黨，建立一個同心協力的聯盟。我相信，這是我們能形成一個強大、穩定、良好和受尊敬的政府的正確途徑，而且我們太需要這樣了。 Nick Clegg and I are both political leaders who want to put aside party differences and work hard for the common good and for the national interest. I believe that is the best way to get the strong government that we need, decisive government that we need today。
尼克克萊格和我都想成為撇開各自政黨利益，為公眾利益和國家利益而努力奉獻的政黨領袖。我相信，這是我們能夠得到我們今天需要的強政勵治的新一屆政府的最好途徑。 I came into politics because I love this country, I think its best days still lie ahead and I believe deeply in public service. And I think the service our country needs right now is to face up to our really big challenges, to confront our problems, to take difficult decisions, to lead people through those difficult decisions, so that together we can reach better times ahead。
我之所以從政是因為我熱愛這個國家。我認為最好的時代近在眼前並且我深信公共服務。我認為服務我們的國家，此刻需要面對真正的挑戰，直面困難，作出艱難的決定，並帶領國民克服這些困難，這樣我們才能共同邁向美好的明天。 One of the tasks that we clearly have is to rebuild trust in our political system. Yes, that is about cleaning up expenses; yes, that's about reforming parliament; and yes, it's about making sure people are in control and that the politicians are always their servants and never their masters。
很明顯，我們的任務之一就是重建對我們政治體系的信任。是的，這就要求我們精簡開支、改革議會、保證對國民的妥善管理並確保政治家始終是人民的公僕而非主人。 But I believe it's also something else. It's about being honest about what government can achieve. Real change is not what government can do on its own. Real change is when everyone pulls together, comes together, works together, when we all exercise our responsibilities to ourselves, to our families, to our communities and to others。
但是我相信還有其他方面。就是要誠實地表現政府可能達到的業績。真正的變革不是僅靠政府之力就能完成的。真正的變革需要所有人齊心協力、眾志成城，需要我們每個人各守本分，為自己，為家庭，為社會，也為其他人。 And I want to help build a more responsible society here in Britain, one where we don't just ask 『what are my entitlements?』 but 『what are my responsibilities?』. One where we don't just ask 『what am I just owed?』 but more 『what can I give?』. And a guide for that society, that those who can, should, and those who can't, we will always help。
我希望幫助不列顛建立一個更有責任心的社會。一個不是僅僅問「我們的權利是什麼」而是「我們的責任是什麼」的社會。我們不應該問「我應該得到什麼」而是問「我能給這個社會貢獻什麼」。為了實現這些責任，不管是那些能夠做到，應該做到和那些不能做到的人，我們會始終願意去幫助。 I want to make sure that my government always looks after the elderly, the frail, the poorest in our country. We must take everyone through with us on some of the difficult decisions that we have ahead。
我希望確保我的政府總能照顧關心我們國家的老弱病殘和最貧窮的人。我們必須讓大家每個人與我們一起走過我們即將面對的困難。 Above all, it will be a government that will be built on some clear values – values of freedom, values of fairness, and values of responsibility。
最重要的是，我們將組建一個具有清晰價值觀的政府。這些價值觀就是自由，公平和責任。
I want us to build an economy that rewards work, I want us to build a society with stronger families and stronger communities, and I want a political system that people can trust and look up to once again。
我希望，我們會組建一個多勞多得的經濟體制，一個有更強的家庭和社會責任心的社會，一個重新讓民眾可以期待和信任的政治體制。 This is going to be hard and difficult work. A coalition will throw up all sorts of challenges. But I believe together we can provide that strong and stable government that our country needs, based on those values – rebuilding family, rebuilding community, above all rebuilding responsibility in our country。
這將是一個艱巨的工作。聯合政府將會面臨各種挑戰。但是，我堅信，基於這樣的價值觀-重建家庭，重建社會，尤其是重建我們的責任感，我們能夠共同創建一個我們國家需要的強大而穩定的政府。 Those are the things that I care about, those are the things that this government will now start work on doing。
這些就是我關心的事情，這些事情也正是我們這一屆政府眼下要著手處理的。 Thank you。 謝謝大家。

8. 英語短文閱讀

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最偉大的擊劍手

在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。

他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來－－然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。

「你為什麼這么高興？」有人嚷道，「你沒擊中!」

「啊，」劍手答道，「你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的－－但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。」
—————————————————————————————————————————
A Mistake

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

搞錯了

一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡，醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。「每人給我五百美元，」他說，「我將把你們送回人間，就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。」

「成交!」美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。

「其他人在哪兒？」一名醫生問道。

「我離開之前，」那名美國人說，「我看見英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。」
————————————————————————————————————————
Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

豬還是女巫

一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：「豬！！」那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：「女巫！！」他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。
—————————————————————————————————————————
Response Ability

An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

答問技巧

衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：「這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。」

當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：「當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。」

一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：「如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅？」
獲獎的答案是：「最接近門口的那一幅。」
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

偉大的獵手Jonesie

有個小村莊正為一隻吃人的獅子而煩惱。於是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸。

獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現。最後，他要求村長殺只羊然後把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上後，獵人到草原上去等獅子。

半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近後，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。

「Jonesie，怎麼了？獅子在哪？」村長問。

「哪有獅子！」獵人怒吼道，「哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了？」
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

天氣預報

一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周後,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"導演說.他告訴秘書僱傭該印度人來預報天氣.

幾次預報都很成功.然後,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.

最後,導演派人去把他叫來了."我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"

印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

我要表現得象位女士

一天，遠東百貨公司的女裝大減價，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件。可是，沒過多久，他發現自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。

他竭力忍耐著。後來，他低下頭，揮動雙臂，擠過人群。

「你幹嘛？」有人尖聲叫道，「你難道不能表現得象位紳士嗎？」

「聽著，」他說，「我已經象紳士一樣表現了一個小時。從現在起，我要表現得象個女士。」
這樣可以么?很多哦

回答者： 寒蟬鳴泣の時 - 魔法師 四級 2009-5-19 21:06
1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交遊，外面的空氣很好，人感覺很舒服。我們騎著自行車一路欣賞鳥語花香。享受著大自然帶給我們的無限美好。大家開開心心地度過了愉快的一天。

2。Today Mailehaoo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天買了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，買東西有父母幫付錢。不像平時自己上街買東西碰到喜歡的但看了價錢都要考慮好久，呵呵，真的是很開心。我愛我的父母，太感謝他們對我的關心和愛戴了。
3.Flute " Robinson Crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of British, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. Novel write true naturally, legendary. The protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. Want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for Britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " Robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like Robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. We need possess Robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英國小說家笛福的《魯濱遜漂流記》描述了主人公漂流海島,戰勝困難,艱苦創業的傳奇故事. 小說寫得真實自然,富有傳奇色彩.主人公在孤島上種莊稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛萬苦,生存下來.但想回人間的心切,使他著迷般地只想到如何走出這個鬼地方,結果還是失敗了,最後於1868年回到闊別28年的英國
《魯濱孫漂流記》給我以啟示，他的頑強讓我蠢蠢欲動，想要邁向人生的另一目標，像魯濱孫那樣用自己的力量，到達自己理想的境界。
我們需要具備魯濱遜那樣的刻苦奮斗的精神.
The World's Greatest Swordsman

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最偉大的擊劍手

在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。

他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來－－然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。

「你為什麼這么高興？」有人嚷道，「你沒擊中!」

「啊，」劍手答道，「你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的－－但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。」
—————————————————————————————————————————
A Mistake

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

"Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

搞錯了

一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡，醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。「每人給我五百美元，」他說，「我將把你們送回人間，就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。」

「成交!」美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。

「其他人在哪兒？」一名醫生問道。

「我離開之前，」那名美國人說，「我看見英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。」
————————————————————————————————————————
Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

豬還是女巫

一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：「豬！！」那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：「女巫！！」他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。
—————————————————————————————————————————
Response Ability

An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."

Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

答問技巧

衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：「這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。」

當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：「當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。」

一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：「如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅？」
獲獎的答案是：「最接近門口的那一幅。」
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

偉大的獵手Jonesie

有個小村莊正為一隻吃人的獅子而煩惱。於是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸。

獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現。最後，他要求村長殺只羊然後把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上後，獵人到草原上去等獅子。

半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近後，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。

「Jonesie，怎麼了？獅子在哪？」村長問。

「哪有獅子！」獵人怒吼道，「哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了？」
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

天氣預報

一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周後,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"導演說.他告訴秘書僱傭該印度人來預報天氣.

幾次預報都很成功.然後,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.

最後,導演派人去把他叫來了."我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"

印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

我要表現得象位女士

一天，遠東百貨公司的女裝大減價，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件。可是，沒過多久，他發現自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。

他竭力忍耐著。後來，他低下頭，揮動雙臂，擠過人群。

「你幹嘛？」有人尖聲叫道，「你難道不能表現得象位紳士嗎？」

「聽著，」他說，「我已經象紳士一樣表現了一個小時。從現在起，我要表現得象個女士。」