英語小笑話聽力

⑴ 英語小笑話

1、A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

一天，教授正在給學生們監考。他發下試卷，然後回到講台前等待。

考試結束了，學生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發現一張試卷上別著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫著：「一分一塊錢。」

第二堂課，教授把試卷都發回學生們手中。其中一個學生不但得到了試卷還得到64塊錢的找零。

2、George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too..."

9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。

「喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？」 媽媽問。

「媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。」

3、Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

Mom: No, Honey, what?

Kate: A nice teapot.

Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什麼生日禮物嗎?

媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什麼呀?

凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。

媽媽：可是我已經有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。

凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。

4、Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

客人：「為什麼你的狗狗坐在那兒老是看著我吃東西呢?」

旅館主人：「我不敢想像，除非是因為你拿了它經常用來吃東西的盤子了。」

5、Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.

Patient: I know. But you are standing on my foot!

牙醫：請不要再叫了，我都還沒有挨著你的牙齒啊!

病人：但是，親，你可知道，你踩到我腳了!!!

6、A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, 「Who is the most obedient, never talks back to

mother and does everything he or she is told?」 he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: 「You play with it, Daddy!」

一個有五個孩子的父親帶著一件玩具回到家裡，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應該給誰。「誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓干什麼就干什麼?」他問道。大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：「爸爸，您玩兒吧。」

拓展資料

第一則

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".

第二則

Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student: Yes. I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher: Then where is the "egg"?

Student: In the cake, Sir.

第三則

George comes from school on the first of September.

George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three weresix and then she said that two and four were six too.....

⑵ 簡單的英語小笑話(帶翻譯）

1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：這個座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。  

2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？ 女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。 

3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!  Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 

我的狗不識字。布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」

4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.   ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.  ″Makes no difference ″replied customer.   ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.  ″Any″ he responded. 

″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″ 

反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。 「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。 「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。 「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。 「號碼呢？」 「您就隨便給我拿一副吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」 

5、A  physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.  The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?   

Nick『s answer: Because  our eyes are before ears.   

一次物理考試。在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。  

6、Jim』s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him  things that happened before the poor boy was born.   

吉姆的歷史考試。舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎麼樣？母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。 

7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.   

他真是一個大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？-- 墓地守墓人。

(2)英語小笑話聽力擴展閱讀：

笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。

人類歷史上，人自從有了語言，就已經出現了開玩笑的語言，最早，人們以口相傳，後來有了文字，許多笑話便被記載下來，編書成冊。但還有很多笑話，是流傳於民間的，就當今社會，每天都有很多笑話出現，有心人如果收集，我想將來一定會有價值。

同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。隨著近十年網路和手機的飛速發展，隨之出現了網路笑話，網路流行語，給力大全，手機笑話，雷人語句，笑料聯盟等，促使笑話發展到一個新的階段。

⑶ 求一個英語小笑話

Violin Lessons
"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.
"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.
"I'll play every day, Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.
"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."
"0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair.
He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.
The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.
She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.
"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin.
She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.
Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.
When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons."
Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said.
"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"

小提琴課
「爸爸，我能學拉小提琴嗎？」小莎拉問她的父親。她總是要東西，因此她爸爸很不高興。
「你花了我很多錢，莎拉，」他說，「開始你想學騎馬，然後想學跳舞，然後是游泳。現在又想學拉小提琴。」
「我會每天都拉的，爸爸，」莎拉說，「我會認真練的。」
「好吧，」她爸爸說。「下面是我要做的：我會為你付六個星期的小提琴課的錢，六個星期後你必須拉首曲子給我聽。如果你拉得很好，你可以繼續上小提琴課，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再學了。」
「行。爸爸，」莎拉說，「這很公平。」
他很快就找到了一個好的小提琴老師，莎拉就開始學拉提琴了。盡管學費很高，但她爸爸遵守了諾言。
六個星期很快就過去了。該莎拉拉提琴給爸爸聽了。
她走進起居室說：「我准備好拉提琴給你聽了。」
「好哇，莎拉，」她爸爸說。「開始吧。」
她開始拉了。她拉得很差，發出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂著耳朵。
莎拉拉完一曲，她父親說：「拉得好，莎拉。你可以繼續學琴了。」
莎拉高興地跑出門去。她父親的朋友對他說：「你已經花了不少錢了，但她還是拉得很差。」
「噢，的確如此，」她爸爸說，「但自從她開始學小提琴，我就可以很便宜地買下這幢樓的五個公寓。再過六周，我就可以擁有整幢樓啦！」

⑷ 英語段子聽力

只有會正確讀抄出口來才會聽懂。讓每一個詞的發音在大腦里留有一個印象，再一次聽到這個詞時，就會與大腦里的那個印象相契合並且迅速做出反應，這樣就容易聽懂得多了。朗讀的素材可以是college English課本，新概念也行，讀煩了的話可以買市面上的一本書配兩盒磁帶的英語資料，也可以讀單詞以達到鞏固的目的。朗讀的時候一定要大聲，這樣印象深刻而且可以把發音中的錯誤放大以便於早發現早糾正。如果發音不正確，那麼再聽到這個詞時，還以為是別的什麼詞呢。

⑸ 急需：英語小笑話，簡單短小，而且超級爆笑！謝了。

1.Is it a boy or a girl
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
翻譯：是男孩還是女孩？
A:看看那個留短發和藍色牛仔褲的年輕人。是男孩還是女孩？
B：是個女孩。她是我的女兒。
A:哦，對不起，先生。我不知道你是她的父親。
B：我不是。我是她的媽媽。
2.Pretty ugly
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..
翻譯：非常醜陋的
瑪麗：約翰說我很漂亮。安迪說我很醜。你覺得怎麼樣，彼得？
彼得：我覺得你很醜。
3.Silent fart
A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem.
"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"
The doctor replies:
"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing."
翻譯：沉默的屁：沉默的屁
一個人走進醫生的辦公室，遇到了一個嚴重的問題。
「醫生，我在無聲氣體排放方面有問題。在家裡，工作，甚至在教堂，我放出無數的無聲屁，無論我走到哪裡！事實上，我坐在這里和你談過三次。我們該怎麼辦？」
醫生回答說：
「我們要做的第一件事就是檢查你的聽力。」
3.Pay tax with a smile
A: I hate paying my income tax.
B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
A: I'd like to but they insist on money!
翻譯：A:我討厭付所得稅。
B：你應該是個好公民——你為什麼不微笑著付錢呢？
A:我很願意，但是他們堅持要錢！
4.Take his place
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."
翻譯：代替他：取代他的位置
午夜過後，一位律師打電話給州長，堅持要他跟他談一件非常緊急的事情。一個助手最終同意喚醒州長。
「那麼，這是什麼呢？」州長抱怨道。
「Garber法官剛剛去世，」律師說，「我想接替他的位置。」
州長回答說：「好吧，如果殯儀館還好的話，我就可以了。」
5.I'm Sick
One day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the hospital.
Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see you.
Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.
翻譯：我生病了
一天，哈米德感到很不舒服，他去了醫院。
護士：哈米德，醫生來見你。
哈米德：告訴他，我看不見他。我病了。
向姑姑道歉
爸爸：「兒子，你怎麼稱呼你的阿姨傻？」去跟她說聲對不起。」
兒子：（走到姨媽跟前）「阿姨，對不起你是個笨蛋。」
6.Say sorry to aunt
Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."
Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."
6.Undying love
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes, dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.
翻譯：永恆的愛：永恆的愛
女孩：你愛我嗎？
男孩：是的，親愛的。
女孩：你願意為我而死嗎？
男孩：不，我的愛是永恆的
(5)英語小笑話聽力擴展閱讀：
look at看; 審視; 評判; 接受
young person(14-17歲的)未成年人; 少年
short hair短頭發
blue jeans藍色斜紋布褲子，牛仔褲
do you你願意嗎
fart<諱>放屁; 討厭的人; 令人厭煩的人; 蠢人
walks步態( walk的名詞復數 ); 人行道; 步行的路徑; 走，步行，散步( walk的第三人稱單數 ); 出現; 陪伴…走; 徒步旅行
'vehave 的縮略形式
At home在家; 在國內; 在家接待客人; 精通
and even乃至

⑹ 求英語小笑話

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don´t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She´s only bringing people babies and making them happy."
The next night, it´s father´s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he´s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork´s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he´s been all night.

The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students

⑺ 要一個非常簡單的英語小笑話

1A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
2Essay
Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."
作文
老師給學生出了個作文題：「一場板球賽」。兩分鍾後，西蒙。斯蒂爾交了作文，老師允許他回家了。他在作文上寫道：「下雨，比賽終止。」
3Who Discovered Australia?
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
Johnny: It's there, sir.
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
誰發現了澳大利亞?
老師：約翰尼，在地圖上給我找出澳大利亞在什麼地方。
約翰尼：先生，在這兒。
老師：對了。薩默，你來回答我是誰發現了澳大利亞?
薩默：先生，是約翰尼。
4Lightning
Teacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice?
Roy: Because after it's struck once the same place isn't there any more!
閃電
老師：為什麼說閃電從來不會兩次擊中同一個地方?
羅伊：因為它擊中一個地方一次以後，那個地方就不存在了。
5The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
紐西蘭的氣候
老師：馬修，紐西蘭的氣候怎麼樣?
馬修：先生，那裡的天氣很冷。
老師：錯了。
馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。

⑻ 求：英語小笑話

A tiger caught a Deer.一隻老虎抓到一頭鹿

The tiger plans to eat the deer, so the deer screamed: " you can't eat me"老虎打算吃了這頭鹿.鹿急忙大叫：「你不能吃我？」

The tiger hesitated, feeling very strange, so he asked the deer: " why can't i eat you? 老虎一楞，感到很奇怪，於是問鹿：「為什麼我不能吃你？」

The deer said:" Because im a protected second class animal in the country, so, no matter what you can't eat me !"
鹿說：「因為我是國家二級保護動物，所以，你無論如何也不能吃了我！」

The tiger after hearing what the deer said, laughed and said " haha, then i should really eat you !
老虎聽完笑著說：「呵呵，那麼我更應該要吃你了

Deer asked : " why ?"
鹿說：「為什麼？」

" because im a first class protected animal in the country" Tiger proudly said
「因為我是國家一級動物！」老虎得意地說。

⑼ 英語小笑話（帶翻譯）短些

1、Warning
,.

"warn"himthatwewouldbecoming.

Whenwearrivedatthedorm,however,."Forgotwewerecoming,didn『tyou?"Iteased.

"Areyoukidding?"hereplied,"?"

提醒

我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之後，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，「提醒」他我們將光臨。

但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。「忘了我們要來，是吧?」我取笑他。

「開什麼玩笑?「，他回答說，「要不我憑什麼費神打掃?」

2、GroundRules

.

,hesaid,",

soIdon『.Ido,however,『restillrunning."

基本原則

位於吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，

他說：「我知道我的講課可能經常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看錶我並不介意。

不過我堅決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。」

3、After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,

"Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"

After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

晚飯後，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時母親忽然想起點兒事來，便對正在看電視的兒子說道：「寶貝，去看看廚房裡的燈是不是還開著呢？」 過了一會兒，兒子回來說：「媽，廚房裡太黑了，我根本就看不見。」

4、Young hopeful：「Father，what is a traitor in politics，Father（aveteranpolitician）：「A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．」

Young hopeful：「Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？」 Father：「A convert，my son．」

有希望的青年人：「父親，什麼叫政治叛徒？」 父親（一位老資格的政治家）：「叛徒指的是離開我們黨而加入到另一個黨的人。」

有希望的青年人：「那麼，離開他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什麼呢？」 父親：「叫改變信仰者。我的兒子。」

5、I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.

This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning.

In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.

我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他們永不會有機會來享受早晨的新鮮空氣和寧靜。

這真是一件 發令人遺憾的事情。早起是我們應該養成的一種良好習慣。為什麼？因為早晨是我們從事學業的大好時間。

再者，早起對我們健康也有益處。我希望每個人應該知道我們必須早起的理由。

⑽ 英語小笑話，越簡單越好

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似

18.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」

I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。

我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」

A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」

英語笑話（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。

英語笑話（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一個大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。

-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

英語笑話（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它們是從美國直接帶來的

一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」

英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不識字

布朗夫人：哦，

親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！

史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！

布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」

英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

給我那個打贏的吧

-- 服務員，

這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。

-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。

-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。

英語笑話（六）The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝嗇鬼請客

一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」

「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」

「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。